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Rhys
Posted on Monday, August 11, 2003 - 02:59 am:   

My poetry booklet, IN PRAISE OF RIDICULE, has just been printed by D-Press.

It consists of twelve poems illustrated by the superbly talented Carole Humphreys.

To obtain a copy please send an e-mail to:

d@ookami.co.uk
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Mastadge
Posted on Monday, August 11, 2003 - 04:54 am:   

Excellent! Consider it obtained.

So, um, is THE PERCOLATED STARS still "coming next week"?
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Rhys
Posted on Tuesday, August 12, 2003 - 06:10 am:   

Isn't it out yet???

I'm really annoyed with Darren Floyd (supposed publisher of THE PERCOLATED STARS) and I certainly don't recommend any writer ever sending him a manuscript. He's been telling me that my novel is due out "in a week" since last November... He has all the integrity and efficiency of a cheese monkey. You have to be crackers to deal with him.

In complete contrast to him, the marvellous D (I have no idea if 'D' is her real name or not: she's rather mysterious) has lots and lots of integrity and efficiency. Not only did she knock up my poetry booklet in a remarkably short time but she also discovered a phenomenally talented artist to illustrate each poem... AND she wants to include a bonus booklet of stories taken from her website with each ordered copy of IN PRAISE OF RIDICULE.

As part of my promotion efforts regarding this poetry booklet, I intend to post on this thread a regular series of my poems that AREN'T included in the booklet. Here's the first:




Ode To Auburnity


My billowing sleeves
conceal hands monkey enough
to pinch your thighs.

In bakeries I watch you swell,
hairnets fishing for your curls,
fire-eels burning on your brow.
Freckled bosoms and behinds
and lips with ironic smiles.

Autumn leaves, autumn eyes,
windy walks home through the park.
I lurk to cast admiration
at your boots and coughs
and glowing tips of cigarettes.

Send me cakes, O red-haired girls!
By slave or rocket, liar or baboon,
it matters little to my tongue.

Just send them quick
before the horizon moon
climbs up too high
and cools to blonde
above my pouncing shadow.


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Nicholas Liu
Posted on Tuesday, August 12, 2003 - 09:46 pm:   

"Not only did she knock up my poetry booklet"

The cad!
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Rhys
Posted on Wednesday, August 13, 2003 - 08:49 am:   

Can a lady be a 'cad'???

She can be a siren or a jezebel or a coquette, but a cad? Why, sirrah, only a bounder would suggest such a thing! :-)
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Mastadge
Posted on Wednesday, August 13, 2003 - 11:19 am:   

I don't know if the stars have yet been percolated; all I know is that Amazon UK hasn't yet shipped my copy, so I assume it's not yet out.
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Nicholas Liu
Posted on Wednesday, August 13, 2003 - 02:00 pm:   

Rhys: If she's the sort who can knock people up, most certainly!
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D
Posted on Wednesday, August 13, 2003 - 11:30 pm:   

Oi! It wasn't a person it was a book of poetry and artwork!!
There will be a bookshop on Whispers of Wickedness from 1st September, and Carole Humphreys has said she would be willing to illustrate a similar collection of short stories, if we find the right author... I think the Welshboy has really started something here..thanks Rhys!!
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Nicholas Liu
Posted on Thursday, August 14, 2003 - 12:56 am:   

D: "Oi! It wasn't a person it was a book of poetry and artwork!!"

Now that is remarkable.
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Rhys
Posted on Thursday, August 14, 2003 - 03:36 am:   

Blow me down!
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Rhys
Posted on Monday, August 18, 2003 - 06:57 am:   

Here's another poem which isn't included in my booklet:



Nipple Song


My nipple knows the joys and sorrows of Andalusía;
it is a sensitive, thoughtful nipple!
It does not play golf nor mow the lawn on Sundays;
ah nipple! dear heart!
My nipple dances in the sunlight of an orange grove;
this ancient dusty land, these memories!
My nipple understands why tomorrow it must fight;
it is not a frightened nipple!
My nipple will go out into the desert at dawn and
fight;
do not weep, Maria!
My nipple has fought many duels and won them all;
it is not a girly nipple!
So kiss my nipple Maria! kiss my nipple countrymen!
It is a point of honour.

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Nicholas Liu
Posted on Tuesday, August 19, 2003 - 02:38 am:   

ROTFL!
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Des
Posted on Sunday, August 24, 2003 - 06:30 am:   

Rhys, just obtained from D-press this poetry chapbook of yours. And it's going in my top ten of all modern poetry collections, without a doubt. I really loved it and couldn't stop admiring and being envious of what you can do with this form.
Don't mean to gush as much as the above indicates, but how else can you convey praise?
Des
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Rhys
Posted on Monday, August 25, 2003 - 05:39 am:   

Thanks Des!

Glad you were im-press'd and not d-press'd by D-press!
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D.
Posted on Monday, August 25, 2003 - 01:46 pm:   

Huh! D-press really is a press. To get those poetry books beautifully flat like that they had to spend the night in batches of 6 under a box of reams of paper topped by the box file with my printouts of story submissions (a weighty little number) and several hard backed books. In the morning they were taken to the guillotine.....

Now, who was making light of my efforts again???
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Rhys
Posted on Friday, September 05, 2003 - 10:35 am:   

Here's another poem not in the booklet...



Cat On A Unicycle

Meeow meeow meeow (puff)
meeow hiss meeow meeow hiss
Grrr meeow (pant) meeow
meeow meeow meeow meeow meeow
Meeow (pedal pedal pedal) hiss
meeeeeeeeow
Meeow hiss meeow hiss hiss
scowl hiss scowl grrr meeow
meeow (gasp) meeow (scratch)
Meeow (puff) meeow hiss (pant)
hisssssssss
meeow meeow meeow scratch grrr
meeow meeow meeow meeow meeow
meeow hiss grrr hiss
meeow hiss meeow (screech!!!)
BUGGER!!!
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Mastadge
Posted on Sunday, September 14, 2003 - 04:55 pm:   

Steve: Along with In Praise of Ridicule came Whispers of Wickedness, in which I was quite amused by "Thank You for Your Submission." I'm also finding myself much more amused by FISHER OF DEVILS. There are some scenes in there I wish I'd had the wobblies to write back in my Bible classes.

Is there anywhere else I can find any of your fiction?
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Luís
Posted on Sunday, September 14, 2003 - 11:40 pm:   

Did I say I got FISHER last week? Just so you know it's here, Steve, and that it looks incredibly funny. By the way, excellent intro, Rhys.

Oh, and you *can* read the message on the front cover! :-) (The one in the back was made deliberatly hard to read -- you have to scan it and fiddle with the contrast levels if you want to make it out. You can tell there's something there, though.)

Best,
Luís
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Rhys
Posted on Monday, September 15, 2003 - 05:18 am:   

Luís, hey your last sentence is one which I keep hearing from girls!
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Mastadge
Posted on Monday, September 15, 2003 - 07:00 am:   

Luís,

Yeah, I found the one on the front, but couldn't find a thing on the back.
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Rhys
Posted on Monday, September 15, 2003 - 08:16 am:   

Girls keep saying that to me too!!!!!!!
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D
Posted on Monday, September 15, 2003 - 11:16 am:   

New story by Steve Redwood just posted on Whispers of Wickedness, (www.ookami.co.uk) where you can also buy In Praise of Ridicule. Both are illustrated by Carole Humphreys, and both are excellent!
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red steve
Posted on Monday, September 15, 2003 - 03:29 pm:   

Thank you, kind lady and gentlemen! (As for that Rhys, well, all I can say is.... shocking! Indeed, if this weren't his board, I'd throw him off! I may occasionally make reference to the quirkier of god's little contraptions, but this is only in a deeply serious religious context. As it is, I wonder if young Rhys remembers my true tale of the three Turkish testicles?)

Mastadge, I'd like to direct you to my great works, but ...erm...well... those small press mags have nearly all died. However, I do have a story I'm proud of on Dusk http://www.dusksite.ukgo.com
(where you'll have a nice surprise)
and me in twee mood (as Lumbricus Malfester Sniff) on http://www3.telus.net/throwingsticks/content.html
And, of course, how can I fail to mention Whispers?

Otherwise you have to wait for Dr. Lambshead, and Bible Black (same publishers as Percolated Stars, so you have time to bear, raise, and chuck out a family first).


Luís, I didn't know about the back one! I shall begin a hunt.

Yes, I loved the intro, too! I've been advertising the book as an essay by Rhys with design by Luís, with the fisher thrown in for free.
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Rhys
Posted on Tuesday, September 16, 2003 - 04:21 am:   

Well to mark this wonderful event in the history of fantasy writing (the publication of Mr Redwood's excellent novel), let's have another poem which isn't included in my D-Press booklet... and let's make it about devils (in keeping with the present theme)!



The Damnation of Chris de Burgh

"What do you mean don't pay me?"
said the Ferryman,
"I've poled you all the way
across the brimstone lake
from Trinity College, Dublin
to Misers' Circle, Hades.
I've watched you sprawl with
your lady in red,
nibbling lobes and biscuits,
and I haven't had a girlfriend
for 16,000 years."

Parboiled monsters thrashed in their wake,
tender anger, curried despair
textured with vegetables.
"My fans have preceded me," the passenger
wailed. "Carrots in the Styx!"
The bargee nodded solemnly. Perdition was
going to pot all round.
How I detest your mouth, he thought, your
diseased crooner's smug chin.
Never have I had such a feeling of complete
and utter revulsion: will I ever forget the
way you look tonight?


"What do you mean don't pay me?"
persisted the Ferryman.
"Long-playing torments await you
and your scarlet woman.
She'll be considerably redder
by the time we finish.
Impaled on your royalties, you'll
roast cheek to cheek.
Now let me tell you about success:
one more soul, one more scream,
and my barge goes Platinum."
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Rhys
Posted on Thursday, August 12, 2004 - 07:20 am:   

Here's one of Carole Humphrey's magnificent illustrations for my In Praise of Ridicule chapbook. It was created for my poem 'Lord of Socks'...

Lord of Socks
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Rhys
Posted on Thursday, August 12, 2004 - 07:26 am:   

Here's another...

...'Monkey from a Cannon'

Monkey from a Cannon
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Rhys
Posted on Thursday, August 12, 2004 - 07:27 am:   

And another!

'My Thumb has Stuck Fast in your Ship'...

Thumb Ship
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Rhys
Posted on Monday, October 04, 2004 - 03:32 am:   

MORE POEMS!

Check out:

http://www.internet.is/music/writer/Rhys%20Hughes.htm

THE DAMNATION OF CHRIS DE BURGH...

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