|Posted on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 09:17 am: |
I'm happy to say that the proofreading phase of the Guide's preproduction is done and the book is about ready to go to press. I experienced many unfortunate symptoms (Mark and John may have also experienced these symptoms) during the proofreading/copy editing process. For example, an intermittent compulsion to tell people to "bite me." In fact, most of the time, the symptoms were remarkably similar to rabies...except for the bleeding from the eyes.
|Posted on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 09:42 am: |
Dr VanderMeer, you may be professionally intrigued to know that 'Editor's Mouth' is remarkably similar to some types of Tourette's...
|Posted on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 09:56 am: |
I'm sure you're right. Bite me. I mean, thank you. Bite me. Thank you. No, no, I mean--yes, that is an interesting factoid. Bite me. No. Yes. No. Yes. Bite...no. There appear to be residual effects.
|Posted on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 10:25 am: |
Perhaps, Dr. V, this compulsion might be a kind of deferred aggression, masking a need to bite oneself.
|Posted on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 10:29 am: |
LOL! It's entirely possible, Dr. Shepard. (A thousand pardons.) Another symptom appears to be turning red with embarrassment.
|Posted on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 11:11 am: |
It's a symptom acruing to all honorable men... er, persons....in trying times.
|Posted on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 02:18 pm: |
Thanks, Lucius--I really appreciate that.
|Posted on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 03:05 pm: |
The Evil Dr. Wexler never suffers from such things.
|Posted on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 03:09 pm: |
Well, you can all bite me. But only one at a time, please.
|Posted on Thursday, July 24, 2003 - 03:14 pm: |
Dr V, if that's a bleeding from the eyes in a Jeff Ford Mrs Charbuque sense, they'll never let you into the UK, you know...
|Posted on Friday, July 25, 2003 - 07:00 am: |
So I guess you'd bite my nose off and kind of go red in the eye if I asked you to replace one of my commas with a semi-colon?
Oh no, I've been bitten by the bug - it's just occurrred to me - once bitten, twice stye.
OK, OK, I've leaving...
|Posted on Monday, August 18, 2003 - 06:23 am: |
Dear Dr Lambshead,
Recently a Gentleman Friend of my acquaintance has sent me 1000 Disease Guide signature sheets, upon which to inscribe my monicker. Now, my right hand has become purple and withered. It is useless for all practical purposes, and I am forced to undertake the household chores with my feet.
Will I ever write again?
Yr Obedient Servant
|Posted on Monday, August 18, 2003 - 06:58 am: |
Dear Ms. Williams,
Can I suggest treating your hand by wrapping around a cool glass of beer. The additional exercise obtained by slowly raising the glass up and down betwixt table and lips will do wonders for your condition.
C.M. Morgan D.D.
|Posted on Monday, August 18, 2003 - 07:16 am: |
Many thanks! After much experimentation, I find that a large glass of scotch is similarly efficacious and I am indebted to you for suggesting this course of treatment.
|Posted on Monday, August 18, 2003 - 07:18 am: |
Dr. Morgan is indeed correct. However, I might also suggest that a purple and withered right hand is the perfect "show-and-tell" for dramatic readings of stories involving a purple and withered right hand, if revealed at the penultimate moment.
If nothing else, remember the old saying: "A floor scrubbed by foot is shinier than a pate scrubbed by hand."
Now I must return to my senile dawdlings.
|Posted on Monday, August 18, 2003 - 09:17 am: |
But if your reasoning is correct, Doctor, that would mean that every time I present a story about, say, a headless person, or one who is disembowelled by jaguars, I must therefore follow suit with the appropriate injury...
I think this performance art business has gone Much Too Far...
The Fighting Philosopher
|Posted on Monday, August 18, 2003 - 11:48 am: |
Although merely a Doctor of Philosophy and not a Medical Doctor, I would suggest that Dr. Lambshead is not suggesting self-injury in the cause of art (after all, that would be my job and I know the respect Dr. Lambshead has for proper observance of professional boundaries), but rather that you have a wonderful opportunity to take advantage of your unfortunate condition for dramatic effect.
The Fighting Philosopher, Ph.D
|Posted on Monday, August 18, 2003 - 12:24 pm: |
Speaking as Doctor of Divinity (First Church of Ishtar, Newly Revived), I would suggest that disembowellment by jaguars is a practice fit only for Aztec prisoners of war and characters in Alex Irvine novels. I would recommend against it as a piece of theater.
C.M. Morgan D.D.
|Posted on Monday, August 18, 2003 - 03:14 pm: |
I am under advisement. And very weighty it is, too.
We shall see.
The Fighting Philosopher
|Posted on Thursday, August 21, 2003 - 10:08 am: |
Through an odd coincidence, this week's TV Guide is listing "World's Wildest Jaguar Attacks" as showing on Fox sometime late Saturday night.