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Night Shade Message Boards » Rowan, Iain » When I become King, part 2435 of a series of 3646565. « Previous Next »

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Iain Rowan
Posted on Tuesday, December 16, 2003 - 09:00 am:   

There will be an increase in taxes to pay for a fleet of satellites in orbit, equipped with the latest and greatest image sensing technology. Rather than concentrate on trifles like monitoring the deployment of weapons of mass destruction or changing weather patterns that may prove global warming, they shall instead be programmed for a more important task: spotting people who are letting their dogs crap all over the pavement I walk along with my children, and reducing them - by means of powerful lasers, naturally - to clouds of ash that get blown about briefly before being washed out of the air and down the drains the next time it rains.

The owners that is, not the dogs, that would be cruel. The dogs will be picked up by miniature helicopters with and fitted with DogNappies.

As soon as the technology's proven (and there may be innocent casualties, but omelette, eggs etc) it will be extended to vaporise cars which emit bad music loudly and late at night. It might also be sensible, when you are approaching the royal palace, to try very hard not to look as if you are coming to knock on my door when I'm busy to try and sell me something, because frankly, zap, crackle, fzzzzzzzzzzt to them too.

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