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Night Shade Message Boards » Shepard, Lucius » Lucius has left the building --temporarily « Previous Next »

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Ellen Datlow
Posted on Thursday, September 01, 2005 - 07:42 am:   

Lucius just called to ask me to let everyone know that his computer's down. He hopes to get back online by this weekend....so keep the homefires burning.
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Deborah, the Troublemaker
Posted on Thursday, September 01, 2005 - 08:34 am:   

Hey, I know...while he's gone, let's redecorate the place...maybe some GREEN and GOLD streamers...a few blocks of delicious CHEESE...that kind of thing...who's in?
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Ellen Datlow
Posted on Thursday, September 01, 2005 - 09:53 am:   

I am! Some kittens running around the place--that would be fun--my new one is walking on my keyboard and scratching at the monitor...uh oh.
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Deborah
Posted on Thursday, September 01, 2005 - 10:14 am:   

Oooh...kittens! Perfect. I'll just scatter these satin Elvis pillows around.

(What's your new kitty's name, Ellen?)
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Ellen Datlow
Posted on Thursday, September 01, 2005 - 10:49 am:   

Bella. And now that she's exhausted from climbing my head and putting lots of teeny holes in my new linen shirt she's snoozing on the windowsill behind me.
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Deborah
Posted on Thursday, September 01, 2005 - 10:57 am:   

Heh...those are the things they do best. My son's cat has got in the habit of sitting on my printer to look out the window. Eventually he steps on the button to print a test page and startles himself into a bad case of puff-tail.
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jv
Posted on Thursday, September 01, 2005 - 11:24 am:   

seen this? cat-related

http://www.themoggy.com/solos.htm

Jeff
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Deborah
Posted on Thursday, September 01, 2005 - 11:32 am:   

That's great, Jeff!

Okay, this'll really make Lucius happy because we all know how he loves people to share their cat pictures...here is Storm is one of his favorite positions...

Storm
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Deborah
Posted on Thursday, September 01, 2005 - 11:39 am:   

Let me try that again...Netscaper 8.0 doesn't like this board.

Storm
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Stephen
Posted on Thursday, September 01, 2005 - 12:50 pm:   

Ellen, I'm surprised your older cat isn't attacking Bella that much.
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MarcL
Posted on Thursday, September 01, 2005 - 02:02 pm:   

I'll organize the Ethan Hawke Film Festival.
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Deborah
Posted on Thursday, September 01, 2005 - 02:16 pm:   

Hey, that's the spirit...maybe Bob K. will stop by with some Rush CDs.
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R.Wilder
Posted on Thursday, September 01, 2005 - 02:26 pm:   

Let's play a whole lot of Beatles tunes and watch some Spielberg while we can.
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Dave G.
Posted on Thursday, September 01, 2005 - 03:47 pm:   

Flutie flakes, anyone?
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Laird
Posted on Thursday, September 01, 2005 - 04:00 pm:   

Let's fire up a Brett Favre appreciation thread!
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MarcL
Posted on Thursday, September 01, 2005 - 04:26 pm:   

Without Lucius's continual validation of my random opinions, why go on?

Time to bury my sorrows in the music of John Tesh.
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MarcL
Posted on Thursday, September 01, 2005 - 04:28 pm:   

Hey, Laird, Lucius is a writer. He's not interested in sports.
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ben peek
Posted on Thursday, September 01, 2005 - 04:57 pm:   

maybe we get some tool and tesh music mashes. played by kittens to random sports images. can we set up a video stream here?
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Deborah
Posted on Thursday, September 01, 2005 - 05:31 pm:   

PeytonBowling
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Ellen Datlow
Posted on Thursday, September 01, 2005 - 08:47 pm:   

jv,
Don't know if you noticed Dinah, my cat is in those Olympic photos!
Stephen, Well, she hisses and Bella growls. So who do YOU think is going to win? :-)
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JV
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 05:18 am:   

Really?!?!?! No, I hadn't--that's awesome!

JeffV

PS Lucius is gonna really hate this thread. LOL.
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Bruce
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 07:16 am:   

Howzabout ten reasons why you love 'Mallworld'?
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unohoo
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 07:17 am:   

favre
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Minz
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 07:20 am:   

Oh, and this one comes from last October's whoopin: Packers 41, Cowboys 20
Who's that guy Ahman is tossing aside like yesterday's trash?

Ahman Green
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Minz
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 07:21 am:   

Welcome back, Lucius. :-)
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Minz
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 07:25 am:   

Oh, so who's going to start the Tribute to Tom Hanks thread? (There are some things even I don't have a stomach for...)
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Deborah
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 07:30 am:   

"Joe Versus the Volcano" was pretty good...maybe somebody should do a sequel.
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Gordon Van Gelder
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 08:34 am:   

A League of Their Own is the best movie of the last fifty years. Lucius told me so. I had to stop him from reviewing it in F&SF because it wasn't SF. "But, man, Geena's performance is outta this world!" Lucius said. "And when Tom says, 'There's no crying in baseball,' it's transcendent." It was a three-hanky night when Lucius and I got together and watched the film (his ninth time, my sixth).

(Cool! I can hear Minz retching all the way in Hoboken.)
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Deborah
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 09:03 am:   

That was such a Guy Movie that I had a hard time connecting with it...but maybe I should give it another try.

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Dave G.
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 09:30 am:   

Lucius told me he openly wept when the aliens swept up Tom Cruise and little Dakota Fanning (or as he calls her, "the new Shirley Temple") in Spielberg's "epic" WAR OF THE WORLDS.
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Dave G.
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 09:32 am:   

To cheer himself up again, he had to pop in one of the backup copies of TOMMY BOY that he keeps by his DVD player for such emergencies.
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Minz
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 10:25 am:   

Lucius & I used to have these Meg-Tom marathons (Joe v. Vulcano, You've Got Mail, and then the big finale, Sleepless in Seattle), but Lucius insisted on playing all his Boyz-to-Men CDs before and after the movies. It got so bad that even if we paused for a bathroom break, he'd fire up that music. I just couldn't take it anymore, not even for Meg & Tom.
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JV
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 10:39 am:   

Here's a cute picture for Lucius on his return, because he loves this kind of stuff.

Text description

I believe a beloved small mammal of this nature was his only companion during his days traveling through South America.

Jeff

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JV
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 10:55 am:   

And this was another of his companions.
Jeff

Text description

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R.Wilder
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 11:11 am:   

I've always thought Tom Cruise was nothing but a no talent pretty boy until Lucius convinced me otherwise. I'm hoping he follows through with his critical biography of this man, "the greatest actor of his generation," to quote Lucius.
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Deborah
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 11:16 am:   

(OMG, Jeff, I think I injured myself laughing.)
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Bruce
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 12:19 pm:   

I am surprised nobody's talked about Lucius's Harry Potter DVD collection. I gather he's had to replace the first one three times.

...and he's writing about a dragon these days! What was that name - it had a 'G' in it. Eragon?
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Gordon Van Gelder
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 12:22 pm:   

It's probably just me, but the picture of Brett Favre and the King of Cute should run side-by-side with a caption, "Separated at birth?"
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Dave G.
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 12:54 pm:   

Thank you for posting those darling animal pictures. As you all know, Lucius' love for the darlin' little critters of the wild is virtually boundless. In 1996, Lucius refused to watch professional football for an entire year in protest over the mistreatment of the Budweiser Clydesdales. Join us in support of our furry friends!
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JV
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 01:01 pm:   

Gordon--you mean something like this? (Courtesy of my friend Paul Larsen.)

Text description
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~b.
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 01:45 pm:   

Now THAT'S what I'm talkin about.
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Deborah
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 02:27 pm:   

Now I've definitely hurt myself.
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Gordon Van Gelder
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 02:46 pm:   

Jeff---

Yes, that's exactly what I mean. Kowabunga!
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Ellen Datlow
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 05:03 pm:   

I can't figure out how to post a photo of my darling kitten here....any suggestions? (I don't understand the directions)
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Deborah
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 07:15 pm:   

Er...I tried to post directions, but even if I put the tag-thing in quotations marks it treats it as if I was trying to post an image and prompted me to upload...sigh. Anyone else able to help here?
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John Klima
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 07:41 pm:   

You guys are fucking killing me! Now...where's the photo of the Brett Favre/Hamster bowling?

JK
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Ellen Datlow
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 09:46 pm:   

Text description
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Ellen Datlow
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 09:48 pm:   

oops. Well it worked but unfortunately as you can see it's rather large....you can see Bella's very sharp teeth....
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PM
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 10:53 pm:   

Kitty vs. Lucius...
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MarcL
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 11:04 pm:   

New wallpaper!

For Lucius, I mean.
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PM
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 11:14 pm:   

One often wonders what's at the heart of the Spielberg/Shepard controversy.

Evidently Lucius had a treatment for Jaws 4 with hopes of coaxing Spielberg back to the franchise. Spielberg was not interested especially at the suggestion that this time around live sharks would be used.

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JV
Posted on Friday, September 02, 2005 - 11:19 pm:   

Holy mother of god. That one huge kitten.

jeffV
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PM
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 12:41 am:   

I'm just glad I'm not on the other side of the camera:-)

Blow that image up and paste it on the door with a "Beware of Kitty" warning and there there one has a ready made home security system...
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ben peek
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 05:26 am:   

that's one big kitten.

you really don't see enough big kittens round here.
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Ellen Datlow
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 07:19 am:   

LoL.
She's actually tiny but look at those teeth. She's a biter and I've got to train her NOT to bite.
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Gordon Van Gelder
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 07:59 am:   

PM---

That story about Lucius and Jaws 4 is true . . . but it's not the whole story.

One time Oprah was talking about how good confession is for the soul and Lucius turns to me and says, "I ever tell you about my real first sale?"

He goes on to tell me how he sold his first story in the early 1980s to Bob Sheckley at Omni. It was a science-fictionalized account of his travels in South America with traveling companion---he couldn't pronounce the buddy's real name, so Lucius called him "Meatball." Anyway, the story was a real corker, with lots of heartwarming bonding scenes between Meatball and the stand-in character for Lucius. Sheckley loved it, but he wanted to retitle it, "Meat, Phone Home." Then the story's in production and the Spielberg movie E.T. comes out and Sheckley says, "This story's too close to the movie, I can't run it." Ellen Datlow was Sheckley's assistant and she said the similarities were just superficial, the glowing appendage was just a coincidence and the flying bicycles were metaphors in Shepard's story and it was just another coincidence that the cute little girl in the story resembled Drew Barrymore so much, but no dice. Omni wouldn't take the risk, and Lucius lost out on his first sale.

I think that is the real source of Lucius's feelings for Steven Spielberg.

Bob Frazier said he read the story and said he always thought the cute alien companion was modeled on Gary Shockley, not on a real companion.
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Ellen Datlow
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 08:11 am:   

My brain is a bit fuzzy on the above but I don't remember a story by Lucius being bought and in production during Sheckley's editorship (and I read every story first and put through all contracts).

It was more likely considered for OMNI but not committed to. While Sheckley was fiction editor and I was associate fiction editor, there was only one story for which we we put through a contract and didn't follow through on--the story's purchase was overridden by Ben Bova (who didn't like it)--and it was not a story by Lucius.
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Um
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 08:15 am:   

Um . . . I'm just taking a wild guess here, but I think Gordon was joking.
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Ellen Datlow
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 08:34 am:   

Double um.

Sorry....hey it COULD have been true!
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Gordon Van Gelder
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 08:50 am:   

Um---

I hope you're not suggesting that Lucius was being disingenuous or that he was "playing" me. You had to be there, but the guy was near tears describing how he'd been ripped off---and this was almost two decades after the fact. (He told me lots of stuff too about how it hurt Meatball, but I think Lucius should be the one to provide those details, if he wishes.) I've never said so before, but I think those tiny bits of cynicism that show up once in a while in Lucius's work originated with the Spielberg "Meatball" affair. It's to Lucius's credit that he's been able to put it behind him (mostly) and continue writing those sweetness and light stories we all love. Anyone want to guess which editor made him change the title from "Hands up! Who Here Loves Barney?" to "Hands up! Who Wants to Die?"?
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Ellen Datlow
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 08:53 am:   

Of course not!
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Deborah
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 09:17 am:   

This seems like a good time to announce this. Forthcoming from Wheatland Press...


dragon
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Gordon Van Gelder
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 09:54 am:   

Are serial rights available?

And do you have illustrations from Thomas Kinkade, Painter of Light(TM)?
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Deborah
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 10:01 am:   

We can work something out.

I hate to even talk about the illustrations, but let's just say I draw the line at Anne Geddes.
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Lucius
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 11:03 am:   

First of you, all of you, esp the ringleader, and she knows who i mean, will pay! This I vow. I will strike when you least expect it.

Secondly, I like the kitty Brett Farve. Most apt.

I must now consider my reponse.
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Gordon Van Gelder
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 11:11 am:   

All sweetness and light! Good to have you back, Lucius.
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Deborah
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 11:17 am:   

I don't think you should be too tough on Ellen.
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Lucius
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 11:24 am:   

Thanks, Gordon. Nice story.

Don'r worry about Ellen, Deborah. Your remember the Bear? She's about to undergo a voodoo rite inoving pins and et al. :-)
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Minz
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 11:30 am:   

OH. MY. LORD.
I hurt myself. Then I wet myself. I can't wait to get a copy for Rachel...
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Ellen Datlow
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 11:49 am:   

Uh oh.....
Welcome back Lulu!
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Ellen Datlow
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 12:04 pm:   

Deborah,
It's yourrrr fault, not mine. I only suggested we keep the homefires burning--although I'm happy to take credit with at least some of the decorating of his cyber habitat :-)
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Lucius
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 12:05 pm:   

Yeah, you'll get a very special copy, Minz....

Thanks, Ellen
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PM
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 03:40 pm:   

Don'r worry about Ellen, Deborah. Your remember the Bear? She's about to undergo a voodoo rite inoving pins and et al. --Lucius

That's what I like about Lucius. He's always thinking of others.

And even though over the years editors have compelled him to add ever more graphical sex and violence Lucius has played along. Because one day he knows he'll get his chance to charm a pre-teen audience.

The Boy Who Hugged the Dragon Cuddles will go a long way toward dispelling the years of Lucian myth. And maybe just maybe one day when we think of childhood writers we'll hang Lucius' name right up there with Madonna...
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Minz
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 03:57 pm:   

hey Lucius, in the inestimable words of the first great humorist of the 21st Century, the Great W
Bring. It. On.
(what do you mean, he wasn't joking. I'm assuming he's always running some gag or another. He can't be serious with this stumbling-over-every-word act.)
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Vylar Kaftan
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 04:03 pm:   

This is the funniest thread I've seen in weeks. I can't stop laughing. :-)
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Lucius
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 04:14 pm:   

You know I am writing a YA fantasy novel -- four novellas -- the first entitled the Wild North King. Seriously.

I thought Farve was the Great Humorist of the 21st Century, part of the Blue Collar Comedy boys.

Bring it on? You must really want that cuddles book?
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PM
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 05:16 pm:   

Warfare is so last millenium...we're all ardent cuddlers now:-) If only your editors would come to terms with that...

Four novellas for today's youth. Seems like a sound media strategy. Books are banned in school libraries across America...goes on national media tour to defend his work.

Soon everyone knows the name "Lucius Shepard"...
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ben peek
Posted on Saturday, September 03, 2005 - 10:53 pm:   

lulu?

:-)
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Lucius
Posted on Sunday, September 04, 2005 - 05:23 am:   

Um, let's be careful, Ben. My reach is long. :-)
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Minz
Posted on Sunday, September 04, 2005 - 05:40 am:   

I thought Lulu Shepard was your pen name for those chicklitish bodice rippers you've been writing on the side. (The last name being pronounced ShePARD)
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ben peek
Posted on Sunday, September 04, 2005 - 07:29 am:   

i just thought, y'know, man, maybe ellen was on to something there. it's catchy. rolls off the the tongue. less mess and confusion that comes with lucius, you know? all those letters. but lulu, that rolls right off. lulu, light of my life, fire of my loins. my sin, my soul. lu-lu...

wait, that's not right. ;)
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Lucius
Posted on Sunday, September 04, 2005 - 07:56 am:   

I am going to put you both in a story. Ben Peek and Jim Minz, a pair of homeless transexual lovers driven by society's misunderstanding to cover themselves with the blood of chickens and go on a killing spree through the red light district of some boring midwestern city, pausing now and then to vent their lusts on each other by means of turkey basters... :-)
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JV
Posted on Sunday, September 04, 2005 - 08:12 am:   

Wow. I'm glad I kept quiet of late, so as to avoid this kind of summary literary execution.

LOL!

JEffV
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Ellen Datlow
Posted on Sunday, September 04, 2005 - 08:18 am:   

I cannot claim credit for nicknaming Lucius Lulu. He knows whose fault it is and I'll never tell!
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Lucius
Posted on Sunday, September 04, 2005 - 08:48 am:   

Nor will you repeat that nickname, right? RIGHT?

You're a Gator fan, Jeff.. You're safe. :-)
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Minz
Posted on Sunday, September 04, 2005 - 09:20 am:   

As if I deserve such an honor. I'm assuming you're going to withhold lambasting Gordon for his albeit minor role in this particular festive thread in order to blackmail him into publishing "The Trans-Basters from Hell."

I can't wait to read the YA stuff (in all seriousness); if Uncle Clive can tell the kiddies the story of the skinless man, I cherish the thought of Uncle Lucius warping some young minds.
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Gordon Van Gelder
Posted on Sunday, September 04, 2005 - 09:38 am:   

I won't need to be blackmailed to publish "The Boy Who Hugged the Dragon Cuddles." I just hope F&SF readers don't think the story is too derivative of that Puff the Magic Dragon story we ran in the mid-1990s. I get so excited thinking about the story, I just start to spin and spin . . . oops, I think I just dislocated something.
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Ellen Datlow
Posted on Sunday, September 04, 2005 - 09:38 am:   

Never, L ;-) I promise.
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Lucius
Posted on Sunday, September 04, 2005 - 11:37 am:   

The Boy Who Loved the Dragon Cuddles....Hmm. I might just do that un. Little Timmy violates his toy and strange things eventuate...
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PM
Posted on Sunday, September 04, 2005 - 01:41 pm:   

Gordon, I really don't see the "derivative" label sticking.

Well once the story is described as "autobiographical" or "based on a true story". No one can argue with history...

Clearly Lucius has these childhood stories to get off his chest and if scifi trappings provides the appropriate background well we'll all be somewhat more twisted by the reading:-)

But Lucius will finally, hopefully have closure after all these years:-)

Please Gordon publish Lucius' traumatic childhood tale(s)...perhaps a double sized issue just to get it all over with in a single volume...

and please don't forget Meatball...
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ben peek
Posted on Sunday, September 04, 2005 - 04:36 pm:   

lucius, it's like you took a snapshot of my life and realised it was worthy for literature. i'm so happy, man. just wait till my mama sees it. she always said them chickens would come in handy. :-)
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Lucius
Posted on Sunday, September 04, 2005 - 04:49 pm:   

I've been thinking of changing the chickens to hedgehogs, More shock value, easier to bleed--just squeeze 'em whenever you need a fresh coating.
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ben peek
Posted on Sunday, September 04, 2005 - 06:51 pm:   

i dunno. that realism might be lost.
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Lucius
Posted on Sunday, September 04, 2005 - 06:56 pm:   

Makes a great gesture. Squeeze fist and blood jets. Fuck a bunch of realism.
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MarcL
Posted on Sunday, September 04, 2005 - 07:50 pm:   

Cuddle party!
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JV
Posted on Sunday, September 04, 2005 - 08:13 pm:   

Cuddlefish party!
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Freak
Posted on Tuesday, September 13, 2005 - 02:14 pm:   

BTW--Lucius' Hobbit name is:


Fosco Brockhouse of Loamsdown

http://www.chriswetherell.com/hobbit/
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Lucius
Posted on Tuesday, September 13, 2005 - 03:00 pm:   

I assume, Freak, you are the hobbit known as Peony Bunce of Brokenborings
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:-)
Posted on Wednesday, September 14, 2005 - 08:10 am:   

Nice feet, Fosco
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Lucius
Posted on Wednesday, September 14, 2005 - 08:27 am:   

My toenails taste like russet potato chips....
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PM
Posted on Wednesday, September 14, 2005 - 10:11 pm:   

I had a bag of those today. No wonder you're the taste of the town:-)

Support your local hobbit...
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minz :-)
Posted on Monday, November 21, 2005 - 01:32 pm:   

Just in time for the holiday season, a chance to revel in past mirth...

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