|Posted on Tuesday, April 01, 2003 - 03:32 pm: |
The U.S. Office of Homeland Security, in a major reversal of stated policy, has declared science fiction to be an industry vital to the war effort, and has nationalized The Infinite Matrix website.
Effective immediately, the website will contain 50% more upbeat stories with happy endings that educate the reader in the benefits of capitalism. Bruce Sterling will be encouraged to think good thoughts about the military-industrial complex, and Michael Swanwick will be weaned from his unhealthy obsession with Francisco Goya. An effort will be made to secure and remove words of French origin, and champagne will no longer be served at the Infinite Matrix commissary.
The former editor and publisher of magazine, Eileen Gunn, will assume a new title, Commissar of Homeland Sci-Fi, and will be charged with a swift transition to the new, patriotic look and feel. A budget of 6.2 billion dollars has been made available to effect these changes.
Speaking of the challenges ahead for the publication, Ms. Gunn said, "Fortunately for us, David Langford, although Welsh, is a long-time resident of a Coalition partner — I'm sure that he will find ample material for The Runcible Ansible within the newly defined constraints. However, I have no idea what we'll do about Richard Kadrey: my people are working on this problem as we speak."
This is the beginning of an industry-wide program by the United States government to make more efficient use of the resources that science fiction offers. "We've observed some of the online forums connected with science fiction," said U.S. Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge, "and we can safely say that the wheels spinning there, if properly connected to the power grid, could generate as much usable energy as the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge." Asked if he anticipated protests connected with the nationalization of these resources, the secretary dismissed any such concerns. "We're not talking about cute little animals here. You ever seen a science fiction writer?"
|Posted on Tuesday, April 01, 2003 - 03:46 pm: |
Real live proof of the importance of science fiction to the war effort, as the Commander of the Autobots heads to the Middle East:
|Posted on Tuesday, April 01, 2003 - 03:55 pm: |
Well, I feel safer just hearing about your efforts. I'm going to venture a trip to the Dairymart without on the moped and leave the hummer at home.
|Posted on Tuesday, April 01, 2003 - 05:40 pm: |
KJ, the mind boggles.
Leslie, I trust you made it back from the store without being conscripted. I had you in mind for our "Rosie the Riveter."
|Posted on Thursday, October 30, 2003 - 03:11 pm: |
I actually thought the guy called Optimus Prime was quite cool.
I'm considering changing my name to Tygra from the thundercats.
And my children will be called Wile Kit and Wilie Cat.
(conspiracy theory time about the ambiguous sex lives of the thundercats... my personal bet is
Tygra + Cheetara
Panthero + Lion-o.
|Posted on Thursday, April 15, 2004 - 06:18 am: |
Damn it. I thought it was a joke. And it may still be...