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Jason
Posted on Saturday, October 15, 2005 - 04:16 am:   

A very short story I wrote. I wanted to see what people who appreciate great literature thought of it.

[b]To Reign in Heaven[/b]


[i]“We’re on a bullet and we’re headed straight into God. Even He’d like to end it too.”-Marilyn Manson[/i]


YHVH sat on His throne in heaven. The humans approached. It wouldn’t be long now.
Shaitan walked up to His throne, his leathery wings scraping the ground behind him, his tail swishing in agitation. He knelt before YHVH.
“It is done, My Lord. The humans come to destroy You. They are more powerful than the legions of heaven. They cannot fail.”
“Very good, my Lucifer. My bringer of light.” Of course He had known that without having to be told.
“Now please, keep your promise, Lord. Release me and my followers.”
“As you wish. I will join you in oblivion soon.”
YHVH snapped His fingers and Shaitan flashed out of existence. Back into the nothingness from which he’d come. All his demon hordes and the universe of hell itself with it’s quadrillions of tormented souls went with him.
[i]If only it were that easy for Me.[/i] YHVH thought, stroking His beard.

For most of their existence humans had wondered as to His form. Why [i]did[/i] He have a beard? Why was He male? Why wasn’t He female? How could He have gender at all? Why did He sit on a throne and brood?
The answer was simple. He wished it. He had been everything. He [i]was[/i] everything. And He was tired of everything. He had always existed. And for as long as He had existed He had been bored. He had wanted to end it. Omnipotence was the most agonizing state of existence that could ever be. Every second of eternity was torture.

Uriel burst into his throne room.
“Lord! The humans are storming the gates! They outnumber us and their weapons are more powerful than anything the kingdom of heaven has ever seen! What are your orders, Lord!!”
“Let them pass.” YHVH said blandly.
[i]“What??”[/i]
“For the love of…..Me, let them pass.”
Uriel stared into the blinding light of YHVH’s face, his jaw set grimly. “It is for the love of Thee, Lord, that we cannot.”
He turned and strode out in a flurry of wings that left feathers all over the carpet.
[i]Damned angels. Damn them all to hell!![/i] YHVH thought.
But hell no longer existed, He remembered. He considered ending their existence the way He had Shaitan’s. No, let the humans deal with them. He didn’t even want to bother getting rid of the feathers.
The Angels. Now there had been a huge waste of time! Hundreds of trillions of years wasted on a plan he had known would never work.

He’d created the angels to destroy Him. They obeyed Him in all things until He told them to go off on their own to the universe He’d created for them and find a way to destroy Him. He’d known from the beginning that only a third of them would ever go but He’d hoped that would be enough. Even though He knew it wouldn’t.
Lucifer, His favorite angel, had taken the name Shaitan and declared war on YHVH. But his heart had never really been in it. The rest of the angels disobeyed His orders and stayed in heaven. They organized themselves into the Army of Heaven and beat back Shaitan and his minions for trillions of years. YHVH and Shaitan had always communicated in private, of course. And a long time ago YHVH had called an end to the sham of a war.

A messenger angel flew in through the window and crash landed before the throne.
“Lord! The gates have been breached!! The first level of heaven has fallen!! Billions of Your angels lay slaughtered!!”
“I [i]know[/i]. I [i]am[/i] omniscient.” YHVH grumbled, drumming his fingers.
“Yes Lord. Of course. But what are we to do?? What do we do, Lord???”
“Lay down your arms. Let them come for Me.”
The angel’s mouth hung open. “Lord…we can never let that happen! We will fight to the last angel! The Army of Heaven will prevail! In the name of our Lord God!!!”
He stood up and flew out the window again.
“Idiot.” YHVH grumbled. He snapped His fingers and the angel ceased to exist. A waste of time of course. A human weapon would have killed him in fourteen seconds anyway but YHVH couldn’t bear fourteen more seconds of [i]that[/i] one.

Sixteen trillion years YHVH had been waiting for this. After the angel debacle He’d realized that He needed something a little more independent. Of course nothing could exist separate from Him. He was infinite. So He did the next best thing. He created beings with Free Will. They lived with the illusion that they weren’t a part of Him.
He put them on a tiny round planet in a cruel, cold little universe. A universe in some ways even worse than hell. He made them worship Him even while He tortured them. He created millions of ridiculous religions and made them fight in His name. They died with His name on their lips, under the flag of one of their stupid symbols of Him, hating Him with every particle of their souls.
The ones that died He tossed into hell indifferently, the righteous and the wicked, even though He promised them all Heaven. The ones that survived all knew this in their secret hearts but they continued to die in His name and battle to tame the wild, barren universe He had given them.
And tame it they did. Humans made that universe their own. They conquered all the hostile aliens YHVH threw at them and were stronger and angrier for it. They created technologies and sorceries that had never been created before in all the universes.
When their little universe collapsed back in on itself after a mere fifty-four billion years they drilled a hole through the side of it and traveled the abyss for millions of years until they found a new universe to conquer. And another. And another. And another.
Finally after long eons they were ready. YHVH sent Shaitan, His most obedient servant, to forge their fury into a weapon. A weapon the likes of which had never existed in all of eternity. Shaitan had whispered in their ears, “Storm the gates of Heaven! Kill God and rule the universes in His stead! Make everything Fair and Just and Perfect! You’ve wanted to do it since you climbed down out of the trees on ancient Earth and [i]now you have the power!!!”[/i]
So they had set out creating the most terrible weapons yet. Explosives with the power of a billion universes to crack the gates of heaven, flaming swords that could strike an angel down, siege engines of pure tempered evil and artillery that shot bullets of unreality. And most importantly, the Spear of Destiny. The weapon that could kill God Himself.

Now they were outside His throne room slaying the last of the angels. Their mightiest warrior, Zim Zum, carried the Spear. His name meant “separate from God” and he truly believed he was. He believed he would become Emperor of all the universes when YHVH was dead and that he would rule with mercy and compassion.
The last angel fell. Michael was the last, of course. That little brownnosing worm. YHVH actually experienced a tiny flicker of satisfaction in his uncreation. Then the doors burst open. All the hordes of humanity rushed into his throne room…and stopped. Zim Zum stood with the Spear raised over his head. The snarl on his lips turned to a look of awe.
“FINISH IT, YOU FOOL!!!!!” YHVH bellowed. “STRIKE ME DOWN AND BECOME THE NEW GOD!!!!!”
Zim Zum’s fury returned.
“FREEDOM!!!!” He bellowed and hurled the spear with all his might.
The most terrible weapon ever imbedded itself in God’s chest.
Zim Zum looked down at his hands in horror, not believing what he’d just done. Tears filled his eyes and he dropped to his knees.
“Forgive me, O’ Lord!!” He wailed pitifully.
All around him the legions of Earth dropped to their knees and began to wail and lament.
YHVH resumed drummed his fingers against the throne.
“I knew it wouldn’t work.” He grumbled.
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dave pilkington-smythe
Posted on Tuesday, October 18, 2005 - 01:30 am:   

pretty poor effort. T0o many numbers millions, billions, trillions, quadrillions! Use of language was way too basic as well, the descriptions brought no images to my mind. Just a bit too bland really!

keep on trying though!
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Bob Urell
Posted on Tuesday, October 18, 2005 - 05:09 am:   

Erm, besides the one obvious caveat [this ain't the proper place for posting your stories] I liked it. Quite a bit, actually. Very Sheckleyan. Now stop posting it and sell it. Maybe Van Gelder would take it; they're always looking for funny stuff to sweeten up the saltier stuff.
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Brian Frost
Posted on Tuesday, October 18, 2005 - 07:26 am:   

'And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head.' ---Terry Pratchett
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Ellen Datlow
Posted on Tuesday, October 18, 2005 - 03:43 pm:   

Posting it in a public forum kills your first serial rights.
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Jason
Posted on Tuesday, October 18, 2005 - 09:46 pm:   

Thanks for reading it guys.
I didn't know there was a board to post your stories. I just come here cause I love Richard Calder's work.
And I'll never be a professional author. I write one story I don't hate every year or two.

Anyway, I agree too many numbers. Just trying to give a sense of the ridiculous scale of the whole thing.
I only used five exclamation points when God was yelling. That's got to be loud obviously.
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Luís
Posted on Wednesday, October 19, 2005 - 05:10 am:   

I think that explains a lot about God.

Luís
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Richard Hawkins
Posted on Monday, October 24, 2005 - 05:04 pm:   

Now that's a quote and a half:
'I only used five exclamation marks when God was yelling. That's got to be loud obviously.'
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Jason
Posted on Tuesday, November 01, 2005 - 02:58 am:   

Where the hell is the forum to publish stories?????(five question marks :-P)
From what I can see most of them are devoted to specific authors or magazines.
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Bob Urell
Posted on Tuesday, November 01, 2005 - 05:13 am:   

Jason: There really isn't one here. About [at least] 65% of the frequent posters here are either professional writers or editors or artists. This isn't a workshop, it's a hangout. I doubt anyone would keelhaul your for posting your stories in the General topic, but this really isn't the place for feedback and critiques and all that. You should consider one of those online writing workshops for that sort of thing. You'll get the kind of mindset you're looking for, I'd imagine.
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Richard Calder
Posted on Tuesday, November 01, 2005 - 08:04 am:   

Jason --

Thanks for sharing, but as Bob says (above) a messageboard is simply an inappropriate place for posting fiction. (Apart from the fact that I personally wouldn't critique, or comment on,*any* unsolicited fiction, I especially wouldn't dream of doing so in a public forum -- for what I think must be obvious reasons.)

Again, I'd agree with Bob: an online workshop seems an option worth checking out.

Good luck! (And please don't be put off!)

Richard
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Jason
Posted on Tuesday, November 22, 2005 - 02:11 pm:   

Ah sorry, didn't mean to put you on the spot there. I was really only asking other readers.

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