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Dflewis
Posted on Monday, July 16, 2007 - 12:16 pm:   

CONTINUED FROM HERE:
http://www.nightshadebooks.com/discus/messages/201/8011.html?1184613229
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Dflewis
Posted on Monday, July 16, 2007 - 12:20 pm:   

Rules as before (described at the beginning of the previous thread).

Any post at all makes you eligible for a free Nemo 5 by surface mail.

Killing the thread (ie your post is the last one followed by at least 36 hours of complete inactivity) will get you the one and only ZENCORE, an iconic book, by air mail. Get those planes merged!
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Byron Bailey
Posted on Monday, July 16, 2007 - 02:51 pm:   

Hmmmm...I'm going to have to rethink my previous strategy of killing the thread off by burying it under a mountain of verbiage.
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Phillip Stecco
Posted on Monday, July 16, 2007 - 04:38 pm:   

Byron, a Zen approach may be needed to win. Please consider inactivity as a strategy. Worth a look. Brendan has apparently already been drawn back within the Great Cuckoo Clock of Life (which is quite accurate, by the way). I personally feel bad, since Swiss chocolate is among the best on the planet. Perhaps mentioning sheep rather than goats would have made a difference...

Not slapping my thighs or yodeling or wearing a hat, a pair of shorts, or suspenders, as well as quite accordionless and lost in the mountains,
Phil
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Byron Bailey
Posted on Monday, July 16, 2007 - 07:22 pm:   

"Byron, a Zen approach may be needed to win."

I agree. Gautama Buddha sat under the Bodhi tree for 49 days to achieve enlightenment. Who am I with no where near the talent of Gautama Buddha to balk at sitting upon this thread for 49 years for Zencore?

What is the sound of one person on this thread? It is the sound of my enlightenment and it comes on wings, air mail, although I'd be more than content with ground mail.
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Colleen Andrews
Posted on Tuesday, July 17, 2007 - 05:41 am:   

Maybe this time this post will win it. hehehehe!!!!!
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Byron Bailey
Posted on Tuesday, July 17, 2007 - 09:10 am:   

That's very funny, Colleen.
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des lewis
Posted on Tuesday, July 17, 2007 - 09:35 am:   

I like laughter.
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Colleen Andrews
Posted on Tuesday, July 17, 2007 - 12:21 pm:   

I will laugh all day for you if it means I win!!! hehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Byron Bailey
Posted on Tuesday, July 17, 2007 - 12:50 pm:   

Will you please stop laughing? I'm trying to meditate.
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Phillip Stecco
Posted on Tuesday, July 17, 2007 - 03:21 pm:   

Byron, a wise man (either Ben Franklin or Yogi Berra, if I'm not mistaken) once said, "She who laughs best laughs last."

Let him have it, Colleen. You know. The psychic laughter...
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Byron Bailey
Posted on Tuesday, July 17, 2007 - 04:02 pm:   

He who laughs from his dan tien, that mystical spot behind the navel that is alleged to be the center of the body's energy, is he who laughs best.

Now I shall drown out the unseemly laughter.

Om mane padme hum...om mane padme hum...om mane padme hum....
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Phillip Stecco
Posted on Tuesday, July 17, 2007 - 05:03 pm:   

You certainty will need a mantra, Byron. Or is it Ulysses? Do you have psychic earwax? I suggest that your mates lash you to a mast or something. The wrath of the Siren is relentless. May your ship sail true in the meantime. And may God have mercy on your soul thereafter. Hehehehe.

Best wishes,
Phil

P.S. Hehehehehehehehehehehahahahahahahaha. Whoo!
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Phillip Stecco
Posted on Tuesday, July 17, 2007 - 05:24 pm:   

Sssshhhh. (This is the calm before the storm.)
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Byron Bailey
Posted on Tuesday, July 17, 2007 - 06:17 pm:   

En Media Res

Anguish gushing from his eyes, Achilles climbs into his new armor.

Inside the tent, the leathery-faced man types in his username: ULYSSES. The computer screen flickers orange and skeletal, a glimpse into the realm of Hades. Since the gods have arrived, the war hasn't been the same. Gone are the days of spear and shield unless one counts the shield around Troy.

His lips twist into a grim smile. The trick used to be getting past the enemy's walls. Now the trick is getting past the shield. This man who the gods call by his username is not without tricks, though. The goddess Athena herself has set him on the trail of a new trick, what she refers to as a "Trojan horse" to shut down the enemy's power supply, thereby disabling the shield. He doesn't yet understand all the wisdom the goddess has imparted to him but he will figure it out if it takes him a decade.

The treads of the new armor rumble like distant thunder as Achilles chases Hector around the city's perimeter.

Trojan horse? The man who calls himself Odysseus can't help thinking how strange it is to be trying to make a Trojan horse to defeat the Trojans. Too much to be a coincidence if he didn't know better. But he does know better.

The term Trojan horse undoubtedly comes from the condom that Athena requires he wear when she makes love to him. The goddess says that the wearing of the condom keeps her a virgin. He has his doubts but he's not about to express them. Instead, he imagines how it would feel to be made love to by a horse wearing a condom. That is how the citizens of Troy are going to feel once their shield comes down. Then the gods should let him go home.

He can barely wait for that day. Although he has had personal contact with many gods, he can no longer believe in any of them except for one. He has seen too much not to believe in Chronos.

At last, the main gun acquires a lock on the fleeing Hector. Achilles fires and fires and fires.

End

"Or is it Ulysses?"

Maybe for a short day or two when I wrote the above flash piece, it may have been Ulysses, but not any longer. Just Byron or of you want more, Byron the Barbarian.
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Brendan Connell
Posted on Tuesday, July 17, 2007 - 11:37 pm:   

If you are reading this, immediately turn away from your computer, sit on the floor, and tuck your head between your knees.
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Colleen Andrews
Posted on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 05:31 am:   

Byron the Barbarian, I am sending psychic laughter in your direction. Can you hear it inside your head. You can't tune it out. Try to meditate and all you can hear is laughter. While spending your late nights writing long posts, remember the laughter it won't go away. Hear it???

Hi Brendon, I thought you had disappeared. I think you should follow your own advice. Turn away or I may have to send some psychic laughter your way too!! hehe

This is fun thanks Des!!!
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Byron Bailey
Posted on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 05:33 am:   

Yeah! Yoga time. It's good to take a break every now and then, work out any kinks one might have.

Or are you just looking at a really good porn site, Brendan?
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Byron Bailey
Posted on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 05:34 am:   

The last post was in reference to Brendan's post. I'll deal with Collen later....
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Colleen Andrews
Posted on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 08:25 am:   

Deal with me?? Do you think you can??? This ought to be good!!!
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des lewis
Posted on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 08:48 am:   

This is fun thanks Des!!!

Indeed, Candy.
Thanks for everybody's support on this thread and for the entertainment!
Just to repeat, a simple post on it gives you a free book.
des
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Byron Bailey
Posted on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 09:27 am:   

I am beginning to have my reservations, Colleen. You do nothing but laugh at me and through the graciousness of my heart, I express my intent to still deal with you. You respond to my graciousness with, "Deal with me?? Do you think you can??? This ought to be good!!!" as if you perceive yourself as someone impossible to deal with. I don't believe it. I believe with enough patience, understanding and compassion, it is possible to deal with anyone. Yet I must confess to increasing doubts as to whether my current level of patience, understanding and compassion are up to the challenge you pose.

Fear not, though. When I achieve enlightenment by winning Zencore, I shall do my best to break through that Colleen who is near impossible to deal with and put her on the path to enlightenment.
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Brendan Connell
Posted on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 09:44 am:   

No Byron. No porn for me. I get my kicks off of watching anonymous women (fully clothed) reading back issues of La Monde Diplomatique.
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Byron Bailey
Posted on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 09:51 am:   

I'll have to try that sometime. Since I'm a beginner at it, though, I'm thinking that a bottle of persica might help greatly.
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des lewis
Posted on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 09:57 am:   

Should it not be 'Le' Monde?
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Brendan Connell
Posted on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 10:01 am:   

Yes Des. This was actually just a test. And you have won! You will be expected in the Belvedere Courtyard on the 23rd of August, 2008, at precisely 19:20, to receive your prize from Cardinal Bompello himselft [man with silver ring on left pinky finger].
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des lewis
Posted on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 10:04 am:   

LOL!
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Colleen Andrews
Posted on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 10:05 am:   

Hi Byron, Am I in your head yet???
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Byron Bailey
Posted on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 10:12 am:   

Sorry, Colleen, but with the cosmos itself laughing at me, your laughter just kind of blends into the background noise, psychic and otherwise. If you want to get to me, though, here's something you can try. Take this issue of Le Monde and read it.
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Colleen Andrews
Posted on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 11:06 am:   

Thank you for giving me something to read while I am waiting to win this competition!!! I will remain fully clothed so don't get any ideas.
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Brendan Connell
Posted on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 11:38 am:   

Being fully clothed is the only way to give ideas.

Personally, I am wearing nothing but a copy of Nemonymous 3.
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Colleen Andrews
Posted on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 11:58 am:   

ewwwwww I won't look but I still want to win
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Byron Bailey
Posted on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 02:58 pm:   

"Personally, I am wearing nothing but a copy of Nemonymous 3."

Are you sure that isn't _The Necronomicon 3_ because I'm sensing a squamous horror here?

"ewwwwww I won't look but I still want to win"

It's the car wreck effect that is so common to horror when you just have to watch. Colleen, restrain yourself from looking and exhibit the will power to remove yourself from this thread while you still can. After the decidedly dark turn the contest has taken, I can guarantee that it's going to end badly. You don't want to be here when it does.

Hey Brendan, is that why you moved to Switzerland, to escape the call of the sea? Yet you can't escape the call of the sea, can you, no more than you can keep the pages of Nemonymous 3 from clinging to your squamous flesh without the aid of anything but the oozing from your pores? The time has come, Brendan, to leave your computer and follow the call. You know it. Jump into the nearest stream and flow with the current. The sea, she is a calling you.
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Phillip Stecco
Posted on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 03:28 pm:   

Byron (Ulysses) wrote: "Achilles fires and fires and fires."

Phil (Homer with a sense of Humor) wrote: "Three times in the foot. I'm thorry the poor heel mythed..."
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Phillip Stecco
Posted on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 03:42 pm:   

Brendan, welcome back to the competition! I promise to relent on the Swiss jokes, since the cheese already has holes shot through it (by a particularly dangerous marksman in pain, I might add).

Best wishes,
Phil
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Byron Bailey
Posted on Wednesday, July 18, 2007 - 07:52 pm:   

Oh Homer with a sense of humor, may I recommend a greater level of objectivity from you in reporting this dark epic? "Report the news; don't be the news" is a good credo for you. If you get too involved, engaging yourself in this titanic struggle, horrible things might happen. Even if you aren't chopped into pieces, you'll at the very least go blind from the horrors that you have seen. It's inevitable with epic poets who have seen that which man was not meant to see.
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des lewis
Posted on Thursday, July 19, 2007 - 12:53 am:   

Needless to say, I'm enjoying this great exchange, this titanic struggle of words-as-persica ... thanks.

My own posts do not effectively interrupt any 36 hour period of fallowness. Any post here earns you a consolation prize of the acclaimed Nemonymous Five (Nemo Book 2005) by surface mail. A 'killing' post (ie before at least 36 hours of inactivity) earns ZENCORE (Nemonymous 7) - a paperback book of 17 original stories - by air mail. Full rules at the head of the first part of this thread.

A new 'Who killed this thread?' here:
http://www.nightshadebooks.com/discus/messages/8/8050.html?1184831156


Running information on all current 'bumps for books' threads:
http://weirdmonger.blog-city.com/bumps_for_books.htm
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Swen Daagswoosch
Posted on Thursday, July 19, 2007 - 04:46 am:   

Greetings, Mr. Lewis!

Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof.

Three wags of the tail,
Rover
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Byron Bailey
Posted on Thursday, July 19, 2007 - 10:40 am:   

It appears someone has unleashed the hounds. Let's just hope that they're not the hounds of Tindalos.
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Phillip Stecco
Posted on Thursday, July 19, 2007 - 03:50 pm:   

Very well put, Rover. However, for the benefit of the other competitors, one might add: "Woof woof. Woof woof woof. Woof? Woof!"
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Byron Bailey
Posted on Thursday, July 19, 2007 - 04:35 pm:   

Great. There's a pack of them, now.
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des lewis
Posted on Friday, July 20, 2007 - 12:54 am:   

Do they need strings to work them? (Cf your comments on the other kill thread).

PS: Any comment such as that from the sponsors does NOT officially disrupt any continuous period of inactivity on this thread.
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Colleen Andrews
Posted on Friday, July 20, 2007 - 05:20 am:   

I think I have looked away for long enough. Hopefully every one can control themselves. hehehe I am gone for one day and the thread goes to the dogs. Pleasure to meet you Swen. I plan on winning this thread so you may leave now if you want.
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Byron Bailey
Posted on Friday, July 20, 2007 - 08:24 am:   

"Do they need strings to work them?"

If they're hounds of Tindalos, most definitely there are strings to work them. It's explained all in the burgeoning field of string theory. However, the physicist have it slightly wrong. More properly, it should be called "noodle" theory but the physicist fail to realize that one man's string is nothing more than God's noodle.
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Swen Daagswoosch
Posted on Friday, July 20, 2007 - 08:53 am:   

A pleasure to meet you, too, Ms. Andrews. Based upon what you have written, you remind me of someone I knew in another life.

Pasta la vista, Mr. Bailey.
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Byron Bailey
Posted on Friday, July 20, 2007 - 09:04 am:   

"Pasta la vista, Mr. Bailey."

Thanks, but no thanks. I had pasta la vista the last time I went to the Olive Garden. This time, I think I'll just have the pasta primavera with salad and breadsticks.
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Byron Bailey
Posted on Friday, July 20, 2007 - 10:02 am:   

Hey Swen, I'm still waiting for my food. Chop-chop!
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Colleen Andrews
Posted on Friday, July 20, 2007 - 01:23 pm:   

Hope every one has a great weekend!!! I will win this thread yet!
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Phillip Stecco
Posted on Friday, July 20, 2007 - 03:45 pm:   

Byron, hold those fingers still so Swen can chop-chop them with his cleaver...
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Byron Bailey
Posted on Friday, July 20, 2007 - 04:32 pm:   

Still waiting....
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Nick Jackson
Posted on Saturday, July 21, 2007 - 03:22 am:   

The suspense is killing me (slowly). Pass the persica someone...
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Phillip Stecco
Posted on Saturday, July 21, 2007 - 03:43 am:   

Welcome to the funhouse, Nick!
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des lewis
Posted on Saturday, July 21, 2007 - 10:59 am:   

Hey, Nick! Welcome.
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Byron Bailey
Posted on Saturday, July 21, 2007 - 11:00 am:   

Swen, I've been waiting for over a day, and I stilly haven't seen even a breadstick or a glass of water. I can't say that this is anywhere near the poorest service I have experienced, but I can say that it's increasingly edging towards the poor side, and you're in grave danger of losing your tip.
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des lewis
Posted on Saturday, July 21, 2007 - 02:15 pm:   

BTW, Nick, you need to claim Nemo Book (Nemo 5) from me at bfitzworth@yahoo.co.uk
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Phillip Stecco
Posted on Saturday, July 21, 2007 - 11:05 pm:   

Byron, have some noodles while you wait for Swen...
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des lewis
Posted on Sunday, July 22, 2007 - 01:32 am:   

THIS THREAD IS CONTINUED HERE:
http://www.nightshadebooks.com/discus/messages/201/8059.html?1185093055

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