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Barth
Posted on Friday, March 14, 2003 - 11:40 am:   

'Allo Night Shaders,

My aplogies for arriving so late to the NSB party! What an incredible forum of great writers and minds this is! But what's a ratbastard got to do to get a drink around here??

Thanks for the writing plugs in my absence, Alan and Mike. 2003 is going to be a good year for Los Ratbastards - a veritable outbreak of fiction, plus secret rodentia plots are in the offing...

Forgive me if this is mentioned elsewhere, but my poem "Sister and Brother" is up at Endicott Studio at www.endicott-studio.com/jMA0301 for your perusal. Also, you can take a peak into my other life as sassy food essayist at http://www.mwnaturalfoods.coop/articles_archives_brd0702.html.

Now for the contest: Explain the difference between a fuyu and a hachiya and you'll receive an autographed copy of "Rapid Transit." (Kristin, keep your mouth shut. This is for the civilian audience.)

Barth-bastard

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John Klima
Posted on Friday, March 14, 2003 - 11:45 am:   

Fuyu: Medium-sized, flat shaped fruit is still hard when ripe, non astringent. Does well in cool or hot climates. Hardy, attractive tree, practically pest free.

Hachiya: Large, deep orange-red, acorn-shaped fruit. Hot summers are required to mature the fruit. The fruit is sweet and flavorful, astringent till soft-ripe. Mature fruit can be frozen and thawed to ripen. Productive and ornamental tree.

So, both are a variety of persimmon, but one is more bitter (the Hachiya) than the other.

Am I right?
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Barth
Posted on Friday, March 14, 2003 - 01:02 pm:   

Dang! Klima googled the livin' crap outa me on that one!

OK, hot shot, you get your own personalized "Rabid Transit." Send me your addy and I'll zip one off to ya.

Or would you care to go double or nothing on a tricky cantaloupe question...?

Barth

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Kristin Livdahl
Posted on Friday, March 14, 2003 - 08:12 pm:   

I'd take the chapbook and run because Barth has a reputation locally as the king of produce.

Kristin
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John Klima
Posted on Monday, March 24, 2003 - 06:57 am:   

Barth:

I really enjoyed your story in the most recent Asimov's "The Apocalypse According to Olaf." It's not the type of story I would expect Gardner to pick. I don't know why, it just felt like something he wouldn't go for.

Anyway, I thought it kicked ass. Maybe because I could picture the Madison skyline with the UW campus in the distance...ah...home!

JK
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Barth
Posted on Tuesday, March 25, 2003 - 10:39 am:   

no one was more surprised by that sale than i (me?). although maybe gardner surprised himself: his acceptance letter sounded so much like a rejection i had to have my wife read it to make sure i'd actually sold the story.

anyway, glad you liked it, and thanks for the kind words, john. (and yer chapbook is in the mail, you ratbastard...)
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barth
Posted on Monday, May 12, 2003 - 12:52 pm:   

i just bought a CD burner. let me know what dance tunes you think i should download for the "wiscon mood de-control mix"....

-barth
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Dave HD
Posted on Monday, May 12, 2003 - 01:12 pm:   

Gotta have Parliament's "Flash Light" and "Up for the Down Stroke"
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Nick Mamatas
Posted on Monday, May 12, 2003 - 03:42 pm:   

"We Be Clubbin'" by Ice Cube, featuring Mack 10.
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Christopher Barzak
Posted on Monday, May 12, 2003 - 10:52 pm:   

"In Da Club", by 50 Cent.

I'm sooo predictable.
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Alan DeNiro
Posted on Tuesday, May 13, 2003 - 07:11 am:   

Actually, 50 Cent is the special guest performer at the party.

I told you guys that, right?

(Hey, the season finale of Boston Public can have Whitney Houston singing at a prom--how lame is that? Why not go for all the marbles?)
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prince
Posted on Tuesday, May 13, 2003 - 03:19 pm:   

what am i? chopped liver?
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Alan DeNiro
Posted on Tuesday, May 13, 2003 - 09:03 pm:   

I was just thinking about you, your royal highness.

I was thinking early stuff like Dirty Mind...I'll also be bringing Sign of the Times, for sure...
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Kylie Minogue
Posted on Wednesday, May 14, 2003 - 04:10 pm:   

um, is this the right place??

Kylie
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barth
Posted on Thursday, May 15, 2003 - 09:04 am:   

kylie! loved your cover of "locomotion," baby! thanks for dropping by.
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barth
Posted on Thursday, May 15, 2003 - 09:24 am:   

club the 1 yer with
bass of ace of clubs
seal clubbin

any other dance tunes with the word "club"?
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barth
Posted on Monday, May 19, 2003 - 08:09 pm:   

just finished a six-hour stint at the computer, making the dance mix for our party at wiscon. this one begins and ends of course with parliament, but in between there's clubbin, ska, disco, gayboy trance, and a "booty sequence."

all the recommended food groups!
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Alan DeNiro
Posted on Wednesday, May 21, 2003 - 09:54 am:   

On that note, I'm going to throw a couple of Stones songs into the mix. What era of Stones do people think is best for dancing? I can go with something Sticky Fingers era, or Some Girls era, or something earlier and mod. There are also underrated gems like "Fingerprint File" which are pretty funky. Any requests?
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barth
Posted on Wednesday, May 21, 2003 - 05:44 pm:   

on an unrelated note, here's my new website:

http://home.earthlink.net/~barthanderson/

-b.

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Christopher Barzak
Posted on Thursday, May 22, 2003 - 01:03 am:   

nice page, barth! love the clown nose. can't wait to hear the gayboy trance and the booty sequence. two of my fav-or-ite things.

c
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barth
Posted on Thursday, May 22, 2003 - 08:46 am:   

can't wait to hear this mix either, assuming i get my CD burner working in time. dang. last minute hassles! i'm all funked up with no place to go!!

barth

(thanks for checking out the site, z. it'll get better with time. just wanted to get it up finally...he said, offering the world an easy double entendre...)
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barth
Posted on Thursday, May 22, 2003 - 08:52 am:   

alan,

back to the stones:

"you got to move" is one of the coolest songs ever, and it's surprisingly danceable - funk and blues are kissing-cousins, after all. i like absolutely every song on "exile on main street," but i really don't know titles - a buddy made the tape for me without a songlist.

but i have worn that tape down to tissue, i love it so.
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barth
Posted on Tuesday, May 27, 2003 - 08:32 am:   

images from wiscon 27, hot off the grill, are up at my pic blog:


http://home.earthlink.net/~barthanderson/index.html
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John Klima
Posted on Tuesday, May 27, 2003 - 09:08 am:   

Next year, next year.

Tell me, did the dancing involve any Deee-Lite or Stereo MCs?

JK
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Forrest
Posted on Tuesday, May 27, 2003 - 11:58 am:   

And what a beautiful party it was. Brilliant, Barth - well done, young jedi.

Forrest
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barth
Posted on Tuesday, May 27, 2003 - 03:02 pm:   

i had some dee-lite on my mix (their "theme" and "groove is in the heart") - all things bootsy for me! no stereo MC's though, unless alan had some stashed away somewhere. hope you can make it next year, klima. wiscon is *always* good for the soul.

i think kristin talked to the carl brandon society dance's DJ about a ratbastard/CBS legion of doom next year. i really hope that happens. their sound system was terrific.

and thanks for stopping by at the RB party, forrest! it was great to finally attach a name to a face.

barth
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barth
Posted on Thursday, May 29, 2003 - 08:05 pm:   

i put up more wiscon pics at:

http://home.earthlink.net/~barthanderson/

(click on the dancing alan)
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Christopher Rowe
Posted on Friday, May 30, 2003 - 12:04 pm:   

Say...what's that groovy looking zine beneath the copy of TRAMPOLINE that Carol Emswhiller is signing? And wowza but does Barzak look all serial killery or what in that same pic?
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barth
Posted on Friday, May 30, 2003 - 03:25 pm:   

Say...was that a Say...? (feel free to use that title for the metafiction issue).


and, yes, a goalie mask should be covering that spooky smile of zakbar's.

b



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christopher barzak
Posted on Friday, May 30, 2003 - 09:49 pm:   

shame on you both

that's a smile of pure joy

everyone's a critic
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Christopher Barzak
Posted on Friday, May 30, 2003 - 09:55 pm:   

ok pic boy, take the photo down until you get better resolution. you've captured me from my bad side. always photograph me from the left, damn it.
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barth
Posted on Saturday, May 31, 2003 - 11:11 am:   

reality is a cruel critic, aint she, z?

(besides i approach *everything* from the left).
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Alan DeNiro
Posted on Saturday, May 31, 2003 - 01:24 pm:   

Well, Chris, at least you're not an evil puppeteer like depicted in Kristin's photo.

(OK, karma is going to bite me back on this one. But I couldn't resist).

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lao tzu
Posted on Saturday, May 31, 2003 - 09:24 pm:   

does karma have red hair?
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Christopher Barzak
Posted on Saturday, May 31, 2003 - 11:36 pm:   

correction:

you approach everything but carol emshwiller from the left, barth.
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barth
Posted on Sunday, June 01, 2003 - 10:11 am:   

quite right. though actually, i am entirely unworthy to approach emshwiller at all.

in otehr news, this from earthlink:

<<your>>


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Christopher Rowe
Posted on Sunday, June 01, 2003 - 06:08 pm:   

Barth, that don't make no sense.
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barth
Posted on Sunday, June 01, 2003 - 08:21 pm:   

eek! thanks, rowe. what i meant was:

"Your free member Web site http://home.earthlink.net/~barthanderson has been popular this month -- maybe a little too popular. According to our records, your Web site has exceeded 75% of your traffic allotment this month."

anyhoo. it's just because i didn't compress the jpeg files before uploading them. live and loin.
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barth
Posted on Sunday, July 20, 2003 - 07:25 pm:   

yee haw, it's a twister, all right...

http://www.democrats.org/truth/twister.html?s=taf
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barth
Posted on Monday, July 21, 2003 - 12:01 pm:   

i'm slowly getting this put together. be gentle.

www.barthanderson.com
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Funk Compliance Board
Posted on Monday, July 28, 2003 - 07:28 pm:   

Mr. Anderson:

On your website, you have a link to "Funk of the Week".

The link is broken. There is no funk there.

Your Funk Quotient (FQ) must be dramatically increased in the near future--not just for your sake, but for the sake of the nation as a whole.

Thank you.

Sincerely,
Your friends at the Funk Compliance Board

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Nicholas Liu
Posted on Tuesday, July 29, 2003 - 03:57 am:   

The "Last Day" feature misled me into expecting a post from the "Funk Compliance Boar". Imagine my disappointment when I discovered the reality.
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Starchild
Posted on Tuesday, July 29, 2003 - 06:52 am:   

Dear Funk Compliance Board,

We at barthanderson.com are well aware of our FQ violations and the threat to national security posed from funkless terrorists (aka suckas) taking advantage of said violations.

Fortunately, a team of funkateers (working in tandem with the Isley Brothers) is working dilligently around the clock to bring our FQ up to "badass" levels.

In accordance with your Board's requirements, we would rather offer no funk than to fake the funk.

Sincerely,

Starchild
Director of All Mattas Funky
barthanderson.com
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Haddayr Copley-Woods
Posted on Tuesday, July 29, 2003 - 07:44 am:   

Just took a look at the site; the house is beautiful. Looking forward to us being neighbors!
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barth
Posted on Tuesday, July 29, 2003 - 09:52 am:   

me too, haddayr! maybe we can form the powderhorn park legion of speculative writerly doom.
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Haddayr Copley-Woods
Posted on Wednesday, July 30, 2003 - 02:58 pm:   

Sounds good. I'll get started on the T-shirts.
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barth
Posted on Thursday, July 31, 2003 - 10:22 pm:   

i posted a new lil essay on my site about two topics which are close to my heart...take a peep, won't you?

http://www.barthanderson.com/id12.html
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Maureen McHugh
Posted on Friday, August 01, 2003 - 11:09 am:   

I'm glad to hear it! I saw the documentary on the unionization of The Lusty Lady and then heard that things had not gone as well as hoped. The co-op arrangement is a great idea.

It's hard work to be in charge of yourself, but it beats having someone else tell you what to do.
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barth
Posted on Friday, August 01, 2003 - 03:47 pm:   

maureen

gordon at rainbow co-op told me there's a documentary about the lusty lady's union battle, called "live nude girl unite." maybe you and everyone on the planet knew about it but me, but here's some more info, if you're interested:

http://www.dvdmoviecentral.com/ReviewsText/live_nude_girls_unite.htm
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Nick Mamatas
Posted on Friday, August 01, 2003 - 05:25 pm:   

Gordon from the cheese department? The famous Gordonzola?

I know that guy!
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barth
Posted on Friday, August 01, 2003 - 05:32 pm:   

yep, gordonzola is the name on his email! it was great talking to him. high energy guy. i thought he was going to crawl through the phone line and pop up next to me in minnesota.
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Haddayr Copley-Woods
Posted on Monday, August 04, 2003 - 10:24 am:   

Barth: great essay. Although you had a sense of fun using the dancers' stage names, you didn't lower yourself to annoying sex-related puns. Not that I would have expected it from you, but it's still refreshing. Glad you're publishing it.
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barth
Posted on Thursday, August 07, 2003 - 12:00 pm:   

hey friends,

i'm just popping in very briefly to let you all know that my son isaiah jack was born monday august 4 at 12:17 am! 8 pounds 4 ounces. 20 inches long. isaiah's birth had some complications, but everything now looks great for the beautiful boy. lisa is recovering slowly but surely after a 22 hour labor, which she handled with incredible grace.

proud as hell,

-b.
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John Klima
Posted on Thursday, August 07, 2003 - 12:41 pm:   

Congrats! Give my best to your family. Is this your first child?

JK
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RFW
Posted on Thursday, August 07, 2003 - 01:30 pm:   

Hey Barth! Congrats!

Robert
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Nick Mamatas
Posted on Thursday, August 07, 2003 - 02:04 pm:   

Congrats!
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Victoria and Johnzo
Posted on Thursday, August 07, 2003 - 10:31 pm:   

Yoiks! Um, wow! What amazing news! Give our best to (heroic) Lisa! We sure look forward to meeting your new little boy.
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Maureen McHugh
Posted on Friday, August 08, 2003 - 06:55 am:   

Oh I'm glad everyone is fine. Congrats to everyone!
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Haddayr Copley-Woods
Posted on Friday, August 08, 2003 - 07:15 am:   

Yay, Lisa! Welcome, Isaiah, and congrats Barth! I wish Lisa a speedy recovery -- a labor that long even _without_ complications takes a lot outta ya. Looking forward to meeting the new little person!
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barth
Posted on Tuesday, August 12, 2003 - 05:55 pm:   

baby pics, for those that need em:

http://www.barthanderson.com/id1.html
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barth
Posted on Tuesday, August 12, 2003 - 07:48 pm:   

klima,

sorry i missed your question earlier. yes, isaiah is our first kid and we're dopey in bliss about it.

-b.
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Alan
Posted on Tuesday, August 12, 2003 - 08:03 pm:   

I'm feeling the bliss eminating from the computer screen, man. Rock on!
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Maureen McHugh
Posted on Wednesday, August 13, 2003 - 05:22 am:   

Ah, sweet thing!
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barth
Posted on Thursday, August 28, 2003 - 04:03 pm:   

currently playing at barthanderson.com's Funk of the Week:

"SEE! rare footage of parliament in concert with special surprise guests...this is previously unseen live, stage footage.....you won't belive your eyes...!"
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John Klima
Posted on Tuesday, September 02, 2003 - 08:29 pm:   

Barth:

While in Canada, my wife and I encountered what looked like a minature orange tomatilla with light brown leaves. It was filled with seeds like a tomato, but tasted sweet like a cherry (it came with our Chocolate fondue dessert).

Our waiter called them Hearth Cherries (perhaps Earth Cherries, he was a native Montrealer). Then, in Toronto, we ordered a a cheese plate while at the bar, and there were several of these fruit on it. Some of us thought they were a sort of gooseberry, while others thought they were choke cherries.

Do you know what they are?

JK
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barth
Posted on Tuesday, September 02, 2003 - 09:41 pm:   

jk

this is a big regional debate. family feuds and border wars in new england have been fought for centuries over this very question, so i'll give my answer but if you keep asking, you'll find 30 contradictions to it, and fisticuffs, too.

in my book, all the fruit you're describing are the same thing: choke cherries, ground cherries. whatever. i would say that a choke cherry is to a tomatillo as a cherry tomato is to a tomato. make sense?

a gooseberry, however, is a totally different thing, more closely related to an eastern european cultivar of white or black currant than a stinking tomato, for cripes sake. the problem is that i've seen tomatillos called gooseberries, and i've seen choke cherries that refer to actual cherries.

chaos. sheer chaos.

so, like spec fic (how's that for a tie in?), the names often refer to whatever needs describing at that moment.

don't even get me started on yams and sweet potatoes.
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Nicholas Liu
Posted on Tuesday, September 02, 2003 - 11:51 pm:   

I don't know about how things are over there, but no way are yams and sweet potatoes the same over here. I am absolutely sure of this because there exists a sweet dessert that contains slices of yam and sweet potato, and they are not the same thing.
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John Klima
Posted on Wednesday, September 03, 2003 - 06:06 am:   

Sweet potatoes are the orangey things everyone eats at Thanksgiving and calls Yams, while Yams typically have more whitish flesh than sweet potatoes and aare available only at certain times of the year (at least in my grocer) and we buy Yams when we see them.

http://www.brightharvest.com/index_files/page0005.htm

That time I didn't google you!

And thanks for the info on the choke cherries. My wife and I weren't sold on the gooseberry explanation (my wife is a farm kid from Western Wisconsin whose mother had a half-acre garden) but neither of us had ever seen the choke cherry before to feel comfortable with what it was.

JK
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barth
Posted on Wednesday, September 03, 2003 - 09:45 am:   

the sweet potatoes and yams carried in 95% of groceries in america are just different varieties of the same thing - a sweet potato. klima is right - we traditionally call the white flesh ones "sweet potatoes" and the brightly colored ones "yams." but it's a little like calling white cats and black cats by totally different names.

but nicholas is right too, if he's referring to the true yam, which is an air tuber and grows totally differently than a dang sweet potato; we rarely see those in america. how bright orange and magenta sweet potatoes the size of popeye's forearm ever got confused with slender little air tubers is beyond this reporter.

btw, nicholas, where are you that i am "over here"?
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barth
Posted on Wednesday, September 03, 2003 - 10:02 am:   

JK say: "My wife and I weren't sold on the gooseberry explanation (my wife is a farm kid from Western Wisconsin whose mother had a half-acre garden) but neither of us had ever seen the choke cherry before to feel comfortable with what it was."

well, i'm glad you pulled me aside for this sensitive topic, then, john.

oooo, someone from farmland in the driftless region, eh?! *bowing in great deference*. all the best organic farms in the upper midwest are in that precious land. as a matter of fact, the very farm that sells us organic ground cherries and gooseberries, harmony valley (http://www.harmonyvalleyfarm.com/ourfarm.html), is a think-tank of an organic farm just west of madison.

where's your wife from?
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Nicholas Liu
Posted on Wednesday, September 03, 2003 - 10:43 am:   

I'm in Singapore, where we see a lot more yams than sweet potatoes. Fried yam cakes (quite tall, ring-shaped and stuffed with chicken and cashew nuts; of a size to be shared rather than in personal protions) are a common dish at Chinese restaurants and many hawker stalls. There's the dessert I mentioned earlier, and then there's another dessert which is just sweetened yam paste. It's quite good, and popular at weddings. And then of course there are the various Japanese and Taiwanese imported snacks (it's even a flavour of tea; it's fiercely and artificially purple). We get tonnes of those, though they're often called "taro" rather than "yam".

Sorry for going on about this. I like my yam.
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barth
Posted on Wednesday, September 03, 2003 - 12:38 pm:   

right on, nick. i have a pretty high threshold for food info, so hit me with all the yam talk you want.

for example, i think it's interesting that you conflate yams and taro. i don't think of them as similar, but then i read this http://www.foodsubs.com/Tubers.html, and a couple indonesian recipe sites that say one can substitute yams for taro. poi is made with taro (yum!), and a few recipes i found called for yams if you couldn't get your hands on taro. they probably refer to the same thing, anyway, eh? is that how you see it?

everywhere but america, it seems, "yam" simply signifies "big honking white starchy tuber."

this sheds a little light on the yam/sweet potato debacle for me. i imagine that during the african diaspora in the US, sweet potatoes were the closest thing that displaced west africans found to what they called "yams" (the word itself is african in orgin) - a misnomer that, perhaps, stuck in southern cooking and spread to the rest of the country. the bright orange sweet potatoes didn't come along until the turn of the 20th century, so the name yam just got transferred to them, i guess.

(and yes, i *am* on the clock for all this research, thank you very much! i write an article for my co-op newsletter on matters of produce craziness. read more if you dare: http://www.wedge.coop/newsletter/bin/aug_sep00/professor.html)
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Nicholas Liu
Posted on Wednesday, September 03, 2003 - 12:51 pm:   

But Barth, when these recipes said you could substitute yams for taro, what did they mean by "yams"?

Curiouser and curiouser. The first link you gave wasn't very illuminating for me vis a vis the relationship between yam and taro.
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John Klima
Posted on Wednesday, September 03, 2003 - 12:58 pm:   

My wife grew up near Richland Center. Her family handled a 300 head herd of Brown Swiss cows. The cows and my in-laws now live in AZ at the University of Arizona dairy farm.

While we're on the subject of vegetables, my favorites are brussel sprouts, followed closely by parsnips and fennel.

I had written some on Taro and Yams, but realized I don't know enough to properly distingiush them for someone. My grocer, Wegman's, carries yams, taro root, and sweet potatoes. Heck, it carries truffles and cactus leaves. Even lobster mushrooms and yucca. Depending on the season, of course.

JK
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minz
Posted on Wednesday, September 03, 2003 - 08:16 pm:   

re choke cherries
hmmmm . . . I wonder where I heard that word before.
John? ('Course it could just be Barth echoing a West Bend colloquialism)

In our yard back in West Bend (that's on 8th Ave just South of Holy Angels for those of you keeping track at home--Barth), we had cherries, mulberries, red & black raspberries, domestic & wild plum, pears (though rarely) as well as gooseberries, red currants, and my personal favorite, white currants. mmmmmmm white currants. gllchlchlchlch
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Nicholas Liu
Posted on Thursday, September 04, 2003 - 01:52 am:   

Incidentally, I'd just like to point out that "choke cherries" sound like a Jeff V creation.
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barth
Posted on Thursday, September 04, 2003 - 07:29 am:   

nicholas - i'm not sure what they meant by yams in those recipes. i was just struck that they (like you) lumped yams and taro together, which i'd never thought of doing before.

sorry about the vague link. here's that quote under taro that struck me: "Substitutes: malanga OR parsnip OR sweet potato OR yam OR new potatoes."

klima - we've done work with a couple farms near richland center. that's beautiful terrain.

and wow, you have a very shee-shee grocer near you! we tried selling cactus leaves at my store, but it was a pretty big cultural leap to ask our minnesotans to make. out of curiousity, are the truffles astronomically expensive??

minz - actually, i know the raspberry bushes you're referring to - they took over the whole neighborhood/region, i think. my bro lived on hickory, and in july, you could cut behind his house and walk down to the Y and silverbrook, eating blackberries and raspberries the whole way.

but i never discovered white currants until just this summer. i was interviewing a new farmer outside of minneapolis who grows unusual varieties of berries and his white currants were gleaming on the vine. with a brilliant sun behind the currants, man, i thought i was looking at some sort of luscious lothlorien fruit. i took 8 flats home with me on the spot.
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Nicholas Liu
Posted on Thursday, September 04, 2003 - 07:50 am:   

I say, this whole yam/taro/sweet potato business looks to be as confusing as the New Weird.
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John Klima
Posted on Thursday, September 04, 2003 - 08:00 am:   

The truffles (and Minz can verify this, we shop the same place) are something like $199/pound and $599/pound or something like that, depending on what they have. It can seem shee-shee, but it's the only store out here that reminds me of the comfortable multiple-acre midwestern grocery stores. Check it out:

http://www.wegmans.com

JK
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barth
Posted on Thursday, September 04, 2003 - 09:53 am:   

jk - wegmans has one great site! the fruit/veggie encyclopedias are awesome.

we got a couple requests for wild truffles a few years back, but couldn't justify selling them at those prices ($599 per pound?? it would be cheaper to retail hashish and absorb the legal fees!). in italy, truffle hunters get so territorial that they'll steal and poison each other's dogs and set traps to protect their truffle-hunting turf.


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Minz
Posted on Thursday, September 04, 2003 - 10:00 pm:   

Dogs. Puhlease. I only hunt truffles with pigs (present company excluded, of course).

I must needs admit, Wegmans was a not-insignificant factor in our decision to move to Princeton (and for the record, we live _much_ closer than John & Shai!)

If you're coming out east, Barth, you'll have to come visit the house, and the grocer.

The nearest midwest paradigm: imagine if Woodman's took over Byerly's. Warehouse-style gourmet.
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barth
Posted on Friday, September 05, 2003 - 12:26 pm:   

nicholas - i know, i know. i never should have brought up the yam/sweet potato thing. it goes no where good.

jk/minz - i'd love to check out the princeton wegman's - that and publix (sp?) have a great rep with my co-workers. personally, i think the gourmet warehouse trend is a good one, freeing great food from the ivory towers and bringing it to everyone. and the more shee-shee warehouses there are, the cheaper and less "shee-shee" this food will seem.

i mean, i can't *wait* till wild black truffles are only $89/lb!
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Alan DeNiro
Posted on Friday, September 05, 2003 - 12:49 pm:   

OK, like, enough of this produce touchy-feely stuff!

I WANT A VIKINGS-PACKERS FLAME WAR AND I WANT IT NOW, DAMMIT!

The first Sunday of the season is, what, only 2 days away?

So, Barth and Jim, please, if you would.

Thanks.
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John Klima
Posted on Friday, September 05, 2003 - 01:06 pm:   

Ahem. What's with all that make-up that Chris Hovan wears and the fact that he has Brett's personal effects in his locker? What does that really mean? Is he mad at Favre, or is it something deeper, more personal? Does Mr. Hovan lust after Favre in a non-football way?

Over to you...
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barth
Posted on Friday, September 05, 2003 - 03:47 pm:   

goll. who put the chipotle in deniro's chai??

cool idea, though. but too bad: no good volleys yet. i'll just have to wait till klima's provincial, cheesehead homophobia ratchets down to bawling over favre's pleistocene hey-day before dissecting him.

or maybe i'll have to wait till minz steps in and tells his beloved chester marcol story - again. (snoooore!)

until then....pats 27 bills 24. the peerless-less billies will learn the hard way that you gotta have TWO targets for a golden arm like bledsoe's.

i got your flame war. swingin'.
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John Klima
Posted on Friday, September 05, 2003 - 06:12 pm:   

So what does Culpepper have? A guy who can run over traffic cops and who? A RB with a busted foot? Himself?

Maybe the coach should fine Culpepper for every interception and see if that gets some good throws out of him.

I'll let Minz compare the number of Superbowl victories between the teams.

JK
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Alan DeNiro
Posted on Friday, September 05, 2003 - 06:44 pm:   

Barth, I wouldn't expect anything less from you. And I was just being goofy and instigatin'. I'm actually pretty neutral on the Vikings-Packers front. I actually think the Vikes will make it 9-7 this year. Not sure if that's good enough for a wildcard though.

And Bledsoe does have two weapons--what was the name of that Bills receiver who toasted the Vikings in overtime last year? Oh, right. Josh Reed. Remember?

The thing with the Bills that make them dangerous this year isn't their receiver corps per se, as much as the fact that their offensive line is vastly improved, and will give Bledsoe more time and protection.

Nice to see Mr. Klima enter the fray, btw.
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Nicholas Liu
Posted on Friday, September 05, 2003 - 07:44 pm:   

Alan: >>"I WANT A VIKINGS-PACKERS FLAME WAR AND I WANT IT NOW, DAMMIT!"

So what is with those Viking-packers anyway? No quality control these days. Why, just the other day a whole clan of the economy-sized ones escaped from their packaging and ran amok in the supermarket. Took four staff members and an army of trolleys to corral them in the end. It'd never have happened back in the day. . . "tamper-proof seal" my arse.
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unohoo
Posted on Saturday, September 06, 2003 - 05:39 am:   

Ahem.
You do know why the trees in Wisconsin all lean to the West . . .
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Minz
Posted on Saturday, September 06, 2003 - 05:40 am:   

Because Minnesota sucks!
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Minz
Posted on Saturday, September 06, 2003 - 05:43 am:   

Minnesota: Land of 10,000 Lakes . . . and empty trophy cases.

At least hating the Bears actually means something. They've won 7 champeenchips. Okay, the "record book" says 8, but that's because of the travesty of the 1932 season. And a lovely bottle of Vicodin--choice of NFL MVPs everywhere--to anyone who can tell me why. (Actual quantity of Vicodin may vary.)
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minz
Posted on Saturday, September 06, 2003 - 05:44 am:   

What's the difference between a Minnesotan woman and bowling ball?
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did he just type that?
Posted on Saturday, September 06, 2003 - 05:44 am:   

You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball . . .
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Har har
Posted on Saturday, September 06, 2003 - 05:46 am:   

I knew Moss was a wuss when it comes to contact . . . but he couldn't even take out a female traffic cop with a car. Jeesh!
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Bleedin Green-n-Gold
Posted on Saturday, September 06, 2003 - 05:47 am:   

And one final deep thought for all my friends out there in 4-time-Super-Bowl Loserland:

Do you know why Minnesotan women won't date Wisconsin men?
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thisonesbadevenforme
Posted on Saturday, September 06, 2003 - 05:48 am:   

Ever seen what a Badger does to a Gopher hole . . .
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lief erikssen
Posted on Saturday, September 06, 2003 - 08:20 am:   

ooo how perfect: provincial cheesehead homophobia AND misogyny! man, you WI homies make my case *for* me! plus, you're just what the doctor ordered for any lingering bouts of homesickness.

look. players come and go in free agency. i mean, favre will probably wind up his career backing up daunte, right? so i'll spell out some cultural reasons the vikings rule and use small words for the sconnies.

cheering for the packers means cheering for senator joe mccarthy (R-WI). but cheering for the vikings? senator *eugene* mccarthy (D-MN). cheering for the vikings: the late great paul wellstone. cheering for the pack: ripon and the birthplace of the republican party. the vikings: prince and bobby zimmerman. the packers: beer barrel polka. vikes: mary tyler moore. pack: potsie weber. vikes: garrison keillor. pack: ed gein *and* jeffrey dahmer. MN: land of ten thousand lakes. WI: land of ten thousand mullets.

but alan's right. this is all in good fun. i'm sure klima and minz aren't seriously reheating their super bowl leftovers for the billionth time (does anyone in WI remember the packers of the 70's and 80's AKA 20 years of viking chow? la-la-la-barth-is-not-talking-about-that-la-la-la). they know full well that all pack hopes are pinned on that rickety old man who is one hovak-sack away from a future in restaurant ownership.

as for the bills, well, we vikings fans absolutely ADORE the bills! wanna explain why, alan??
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A: Either way, someone's losing a trailer
Posted on Saturday, September 06, 2003 - 08:33 am:   

Q: What does a tornado have in common with a cheesehead divorce?

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A: More Vicodin Please
Posted on Saturday, September 06, 2003 - 09:14 am:   

Q: What does Favre's M.V.P. stand for?
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John Klima
Posted on Saturday, September 06, 2003 - 06:59 pm:   

Didn't Brad Johnson win a Super Bowl after you dumped him for Super Culpepper?
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John Klima
Posted on Saturday, September 06, 2003 - 07:03 pm:   

I think Barth is still bitter about the Fuyu thing.
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barth
Posted on Saturday, September 06, 2003 - 08:51 pm:   

fu yu, klima, i am not!

ok. maybe a little...

but brad johnson was about responsible for that super bowl as the mighty trent dilfer was for his.

-b.

ps. vikings 20 packers 17
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Nick Mamatas
Posted on Saturday, September 06, 2003 - 09:44 pm:   

Wait, Wisconsin and Minnesota are different states?
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Christopher Barzak
Posted on Saturday, September 06, 2003 - 11:44 pm:   

well, if you're looking at the crayola versions of the maps.

i'm just kidding!!!

C
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barth
Posted on Sunday, September 07, 2003 - 07:35 am:   

nick

yes, dear, they're different. check you're blog, you were in one of them 4 months ago.

-b.
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Nick Mamatas
Posted on Sunday, September 07, 2003 - 08:53 am:   

Holy crap, which one!!

How does one tell the difference between them again?

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Jeremy Lassen
Posted on Sunday, September 07, 2003 - 01:14 pm:   

One has cheese... one has misquitoes.

-jl
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Alan DeNiro
Posted on Sunday, September 07, 2003 - 01:43 pm:   

Barth>
until then....pats 27 bills 24.

No comment.

With that said, many congrats on yr. Vikes.
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John Klima
Posted on Sunday, September 07, 2003 - 05:50 pm:   

So Minz, with the Vikes victory do you have to publish Barth or is it me?
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barth
Posted on Monday, September 08, 2003 - 08:01 am:   

soooo, upon further review, it looks like wisconsin trees bend toward lambeau's shiny new stadium!

klima - we can work it that way! throw me a 2 book deal now - OR, if you prefer, we could go double or nothing on nov 2 (favre in a dome...excellent, smithers...)

all trash-talk aside, this game is exactly what i love about the MN/GB match-up: even if one team is up double-digits over the other, it *still* goes down to the last play. for good narrative, gimmee a heart-stopping fourth-quarter beer-soaked screamer over a blow-out any day.

speaking of which - hooray for AD's bills! i guarantee alan is beside himself, despite his stoic and gentlemanly post. and he should be. his team stomped the terra.
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barth
Posted on Monday, September 08, 2003 - 08:03 am:   

"Barth>
until then....pats 27 bills 24.

No comment."

ok, ok. but hey! i practically got the bills score dead-on!
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Ice cold
Posted on Monday, September 08, 2003 - 10:10 am:   

that's how I like my crow . . . and my beer . . . and my vengeance. But NOT Brett Favre, dammit!!!

Congrats, Barth. If Culpepper can continue to play like that, you're in for a good season.

And I totally agree that the best games are the tight ones. I was at that Monday night thriller where Freeman made that crazy catch, flat on his back, sliding across the rain-drenched field. Twas awesome (all the better that it was a Packer win, of course.)
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Barf-o-rama
Posted on Monday, September 08, 2003 - 10:15 am:   

P.S. If I have to see Randy Moss shove off a defender in the endzone one more time, I'm gonna puke . . .

(guess I better get a barf bag before Sunday, since the Vikings don't have a bye.)

I thought once Carter retired, I'd no longer have to watch guys in purple getting away with murder (or at least mugging) on a regular basis.
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the purple samaritan
Posted on Monday, September 08, 2003 - 11:10 am:   

who's in new york city? could some loving soul scamper over to the flatiron bldg and give minzie a big hug, dry his tears, and explain "incidental contact" to him?

god bless.
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Haddayr Copley-Woods
Posted on Monday, September 08, 2003 - 11:39 am:   

Okay, what the hell is going on here? Am I the only artsy-fartsy intellectual left in this great country of ours who is hostile to football? Where are my people?!?!?!?!?
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Nick Mamatas
Posted on Monday, September 08, 2003 - 11:46 am:   

I hate football.

However, PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING RULES!

Rob Van Dam vs. Kane in a cage match tonight on RAW! Check it out on Spike TV!
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Haddayr Copley-Woods
Posted on Monday, September 08, 2003 - 02:01 pm:   

Thank you, Nick. There is still some order in the universe. I will admit that although I would probably never claim that professional wrestling, er, "rules," I certainly think it's an improvement over football. In a very artsy-fartsy intellectual way, of course.
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barth
Posted on Monday, September 08, 2003 - 05:36 pm:   

all right you two, keep it down back there. don't make me pull this car over!



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Jamie Rosen
Posted on Monday, September 08, 2003 - 09:55 pm:   

Man, RAW is meshuggenah -- although it's on in the background right now. SmackDown! is where it's at.

And the Super X tournament on NWA:TNA was fab, too.
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barth
Posted on Tuesday, September 09, 2003 - 07:34 am:   

all right you three...

if ya wanna type sentences with "cage match" and "smackdown" in them, please feel free to start another thread. :-)

much appreciated.
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unruly fan
Posted on Tuesday, September 09, 2003 - 08:39 am:   

Use the CHAIR, Barth! Use the CHAIR!!!
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Alan DeNiro
Posted on Tuesday, September 09, 2003 - 08:55 am:   

Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday!!! Cage match! Two threads enter...one thread leaves!!!
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barth
Posted on Tuesday, September 09, 2003 - 10:57 am:   

GLOBALIZATION:

so when i went to nicaragua 2 years ago, i traveled with a guy from atlanta who looked like wrestler steve austin - poor mike became known as "stone cold" about 2 hours into the trip. we were staying with a farming family far above the cloudline in northern nicaragua, and one night we were up late laughing and drinking rum, and someone asked the father of the family if he knew who steve austin was.

"estona colt??" the dad shouted in his heavy nica accent. then he picked up a chair and pretended to smash it over steve austin's head. "sure i know estona colt!"

no tv. no radio. electricity 12 hours a day. but he knew stone cold steve austin.
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John Klima
Posted on Tuesday, September 09, 2003 - 11:22 am:   

There's a story in that somewhere...
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mr obvious
Posted on Tuesday, September 09, 2003 - 12:02 pm:   

Didn't I just read it?
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Nick Mamatas
Posted on Tuesday, September 09, 2003 - 02:06 pm:   

Smackdown is much better than Raw, and I'm especially looking forward to the iron man match between Brock Lesnar and Kurt Angle.

TNA? Eh. The X Division is excellent, but there is too much junk for a weekly PPV. Do I, or anyone, really need to see BG James waddle to the ring, preceeded by his royal pot belly?

I've been liking MLW recently, though the ECW style that once seemed so innovative is now quite retro.
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barth
Posted on Tuesday, September 09, 2003 - 04:38 pm:   

"I've been liking MLW recently, though the ECW style that once seemed so innovative is now quite retro."

omg. what are these? wines??
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sobbing packfan
Posted on Tuesday, September 09, 2003 - 08:18 pm:   

please, dear gawd, let it be wines. Or maybe new brewing methods.

Or you will have to simply shut down this thread for fear of more talk about wrestling (oh, the humanity)
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william shatner
Posted on Wednesday, September 10, 2003 - 08:31 am:   

i swear to you my sobbing friend... meaty men in tights or no....this thread...WILL...GO...on!
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Nick Mamatas
Posted on Wednesday, September 10, 2003 - 08:52 am:   

New topic? Okay, how about those people who like to have sex with robots?
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innocent eyelash batter
Posted on Wednesday, September 10, 2003 - 01:38 pm:   

Oooooo, a Buffy topic . . . fembots for everyone!
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Up your Viking
Posted on Thursday, September 11, 2003 - 12:26 pm:   

When you say WIIIIS-CONSIN, you've said it all.
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2003/sioncampus/09/10/top_ten0916/?cnn=yes
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badger to the bone
Posted on Thursday, September 11, 2003 - 09:51 pm:   

"But most of all, Madison is a town where everyone you meet is your friend as long as you know those nine magic words: How ya think the Badgers will do this year? "

i thought those 9 words were:

dude, i scored some totally awesome shrooms. want some?
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barth
Posted on Friday, September 12, 2003 - 08:28 am:   

i've been admonished to tell folks that i blog.

so..


bloggo ergo sum.

http://www.barthanderson.com/wordblog/

(maureen's wish is my command, after all.)
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John Klima
Posted on Friday, September 12, 2003 - 08:43 am:   

Love it, Mr. Barth. Very good words to read today.
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barth
Posted on Friday, September 12, 2003 - 01:13 pm:   

thanks, juan.

nothing like reading the word "crapper" when you're low, eh?

j/k
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Maureen McHugh
Posted on Friday, September 12, 2003 - 04:07 pm:   

And a fine blog it is.

New York City does kind of grab you by the collar and make you be alive, doesn't it. Sometimes that remoselessness is too much, but jeez, I've never regretted living there, and I miss it still.

Waiting to hear about the wedding.
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barth
Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2003 - 02:35 pm:   

totally out of the blue, i received THE IRON DREAMS by spinrad in the mail yesterday, sent by someone i don't recall meeting before. what's more, i really, *really* dig what i've read so far (hitler as a science fiction writer glomming the hugo in 1953 for this book within the book THE LORD OF THE SWASTIKA). anyone read it? like it?

anyone know why i'm getting books from strangers in the mail? what? did i unwittingly join some pynchonian book club?
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Nick Mamatas
Posted on Tuesday, September 23, 2003 - 08:51 pm:   

That's my favorite Spinrad!
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barth
Posted on Wednesday, September 24, 2003 - 06:01 am:   

i can see why, nick. i'm devouring it. i've been enjoying SCATTERING OF JADES, but alex will have to hold on a sec.
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Mike Jasper
Posted on Wednesday, September 24, 2003 - 09:27 am:   

Man, Barth, how do you find time to read so much? The Spinrad sounds quite wild.

I've been enjoying your blog, by the way. Nice stuff. Even the horse football. Especially the horse football.
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barth
Posted on Wednesday, September 24, 2003 - 10:09 am:   

yeah, mike, strange how much i've been reading since the kid showed up. most of the time it's me on my back, baby on my chest, and book over baby.

and hopefully i don't doze and dump a hardcover on his fontenelle.
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barth
Posted on Wednesday, September 24, 2003 - 04:26 pm:   

and thanks for the comments on the blog, too, mr jasper. glad you like it!
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Karen Meisner
Posted on Thursday, September 25, 2003 - 08:01 am:   

"anyone know why i'm getting books from strangers in the mail? what? did i unwittingly join some pynchonian book club?"

Didn't anyone tell you, Barth? When you have a baby, the government sends you free books in the mail. You know, in lieu of affordable schooling and healthcare. They always send books by expatriates, for some reason. When Jeremiah was born I got Carroll's _The Land of Laughs_. It made for good reading in those early days when the baby was constantly falling asleep on my lap.

Possibly it's not the government doing this, but Santa Claus. I didn't check the return address.
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Alan DeNiro
Posted on Thursday, September 25, 2003 - 10:05 am:   

btw, I think we need to christen the "barth2" thread. Barth, your popularity is killing my browser! :-)

Kelly and Gavin sent us some amazing pictures from the wedding--we'll be sure to share doubles with the Involved Parties.
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barth
Posted on Thursday, September 25, 2003 - 10:36 am:   

at first i thought "barth2" was going to be a reference to my kid....

ok alan. your wish is my command.
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barth1
Posted on Thursday, September 25, 2003 - 10:41 am:   

ok. barth2 has been started....jump down there if you want to leave a message, lest ye kill alan's browser.

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