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Night Shade Message Boards » VanderMeer, Jeff » What Do You Want For [Insert Name of Your Quasi-Religious Holiday Here]? « Previous Next »

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JeffV
Posted on Friday, December 03, 2004 - 09:09 am:   

So...what does everybody want for Christmas/Hannukah/Kwanza/Pagan Ritual Day/Winter Soltice/Have-I-Missed-One Day? What gift would warm the cockles of your heart? (Understand, I'm not going to get it for you. I'm just curious...)

Me, I want this Village Green Kinks Boxed Set:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0001WPSJ0/qid=1102093898/sr=2-2/ref=sr _2_11_2/026-2567074-1107616

JeffV
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John Klima
Posted on Friday, December 03, 2004 - 10:12 am:   

A high volume copier [http://business.listings.ebay.com/High-Volume-Copiers_Black-White-Copiers_W0QQfr omZR4QQsacategoryZ26239QQsocmdZListingItemList] and a collating/bindery machine [http://business.listings.ebay.com/Bindery-Finishing-Equipment_Collators-Bookletm akers_W0QQfromZR4QQsacategoryZ57045QQsocmdZListingItemList] would be excellent.

JK
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JV
Posted on Friday, December 03, 2004 - 10:47 am:   

A little demanding, aren't you?

JeffV
;)

PS I dunno why, but I'm particularly curious as to what Lucius Shepard and Jeffrey Ford want for the holidays.
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John Klima
Posted on Friday, December 03, 2004 - 10:53 am:   

Well...it's not like you're buying it for me anyway :-( ! Lucius wants something involving the Hurricanes and the National Championship game. Jeff Ford probably wants some sort of ice cream to rule over.

JK
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JV
Posted on Friday, December 03, 2004 - 10:59 am:   

LOL!
JV
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Lucius
Posted on Friday, December 03, 2004 - 12:11 pm:   

I got part of what I wanted already. Urban Meyer as the Florida head coach. But as far as an actual present, I have to think about it.
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rwexler
Posted on Friday, December 03, 2004 - 12:24 pm:   

Jeff Ford wants to be appointed to the board of Ben and Jerry's.

Lucius wants college football to run year-round.
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Minz
Posted on Friday, December 03, 2004 - 12:24 pm:   

I'm hoping for a healthy baby and mom. That's plenty for this bub.

(And I promise to not be too disappointed if the baby doesn't have an extra thumb--these things usually skip a generation.)
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Mastadge
Posted on Friday, December 03, 2004 - 12:46 pm:   

A lifetime subscription to Night Shade Books -- why oh why didn't I buy one way back when?
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Mike S.
Posted on Friday, December 03, 2004 - 12:47 pm:   

I want peace on earth for all, you greedy bastards!!!
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Lucius
Posted on Friday, December 03, 2004 - 12:54 pm:   

Are you running for Ms America? :-)
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John Klima
Posted on Friday, December 03, 2004 - 01:13 pm:   

No, then he would have said "I want peace on earth for all and stuff."

JK
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Lucius
Posted on Friday, December 03, 2004 - 01:15 pm:   

Oh, ok!!
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Lucius
Posted on Friday, December 03, 2004 - 01:18 pm:   

That present you spoke of, I'd like airline tickets to China and a round trip train ticket on the Trans-Siberian to Moscow.
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JV
Posted on Friday, December 03, 2004 - 01:30 pm:   

Clearly my wish for a limited edition of Village Green Preservation Society is woefully under-ambitious... LOL!

Yes--the Urban Meyer thing is great.
JeffV
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Lucius
Posted on Friday, December 03, 2004 - 01:55 pm:   

Well, I used to always get a ticket somewhere for Christmas, ranging from a bus ticket to Davenport Iowa when I was poor, and a ticket to Bhutan when I was otherwise. This falls somewhere in-between.

Go Urban!
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Deborah
Posted on Friday, December 03, 2004 - 04:23 pm:   

Mine's less ambitious, too, Jeff. Just tickets to the Fiesta Bowl. If I can't have that, then please, just let it not be an total humiliation for my team.
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Lucius
Posted on Friday, December 03, 2004 - 05:04 pm:   

Less ambitious, Deborah? I'm not too sure. :-)
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Luís
Posted on Monday, December 06, 2004 - 12:30 am:   

I want a 48-hour day!
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jeff ford
Posted on Monday, December 06, 2004 - 04:03 am:   

Hey, screw that ice cream, what I want is a nice sunny day with a cool wind blowqing, a smoldering two foot spleef of Coney Island Green, a cream soda, Blossom Dearie playing on the stereo and no where to go and abso-fucking-lutely nothing to do. Next to that I'll take a trip to Iceland, expenses paid. Hope everyone gets what they want this year and has a great holiday!!!!
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Liz W
Posted on Monday, December 06, 2004 - 04:21 am:   

I want a secret life...
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JV
Posted on Monday, December 06, 2004 - 07:20 am:   

Liz:
You want a secret life, huh? Bwaahaaahaahahaha. Coming right up. Heh heh heh.

I know Jim got what he wanted--congrats, Jim!!!!!!!!! A brand new healthy baby!!!

JeffV
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Brendan
Posted on Monday, December 06, 2004 - 07:58 am:   

I want the 1919 Italian edition of Gustave Khan's "The Solar Princess" (La principessa solare.
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Rajan
Posted on Monday, December 06, 2004 - 08:49 am:   

Is the price right on that Kinks boxed set? It seems unusually low...
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Ellen Datlow
Posted on Monday, December 06, 2004 - 09:27 am:   

I too would like an extra 48 hours to the day.

Plus a very very large townhouse right where I already live--all paid for.
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JV
Posted on Monday, December 06, 2004 - 09:58 am:   

Ellen:

Man, you and me both--on that time thing. I made a to-do list last week. It was supposed to be done by last Saturday, and I'm not even half-way there!

Rajan--that does seem low.

JeffV
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Jonathan
Posted on Monday, December 06, 2004 - 03:40 pm:   

Hey Jeff - I admire the modesty and specificity of your desires. There's something wonderful about knowing that there's a real object that is reasonable and accessible that will give you pleasure. I hope that the Kinks find their way under your Festive Floridean tree this season.

As to me, what do I want? A cd with my 10 favorite songs on it, that someone else picked. An afternoon to re-read an old favorite book, without interruption or guilt. Maybe the chance to hoist a drink with a few old friends, a copy of that bootleg version of Springsteen's Darkness on the Edge of Town or perhaps just The Essential Cheap Trick. A bottle of 15 year-old Laphroig. And, perhaps less realistically, a small press publisher to produce three books in 2005: The Collected Howard Waldrop, The Collected James Tiptree Jr and a Patricia McKillip collection. That would be swell. And if not any of that, then maybe that the new book proposal will find a home. - J
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montmorency
Posted on Tuesday, December 07, 2004 - 03:03 am:   

The fourth Master Li/Number Ten Ox novel.

Or compleat works of Joan Aiken in ... 200 volumes?

Or, the further exploits of Engelbrecht.

New life of Montmorency on Thames would be also great.
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JV
Posted on Tuesday, December 07, 2004 - 06:22 am:   

There is no fourth Master Li/Number Ten Ox novel. Barry Hughart told me the fourth novel he was working on had nothing to do with Master Li/Number Ten Ox.

Sorry to spoil your dreams.

JeffV
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John Klima
Posted on Tuesday, December 07, 2004 - 06:25 am:   

Truth be told, all 'A's in my first semester of grad school would be the best present I could get this year. I don't even know what people are getting for me, I've been so head's down in books. Last night I got home and there's an enormous box tucked behind our tree. Maybe my wife saw this and bought me a collator? :-)

JK
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GabrielM
Posted on Tuesday, December 07, 2004 - 09:26 am:   

My daughter, who just turned two, would like a real bear. "A real bear's too big," I said. "Just a little one?" she responded. I've punted the matter over to my wife, with the caveat that if she gets a bear I get a Golem. Even if just a little one. (Is a little golem basically a homunculus? Or are they different species of magically engineered slave labor altogether? And are their operating systems compatible if we choose to upgrade later?)

Failing that, I'd like this:

http://www.atlaspress.co.uk/index.cgi?action=view_anti_classic&number=13

Although I think I'm getting this:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0393059162/qid=1102439176/sr=1-1/r ef=sr_1_1/002-8641221-5566424?v=glance&s=books

Or this:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/B0001Y4MJA/qid%3D1102439435/sr%3D11-1/ref %3Dsr%5F11%5F1/002-8641221-5566424
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JV
Posted on Tuesday, December 07, 2004 - 09:27 am:   

Gabriel:

You're in luck! I have a real bear. I will send it to you forthwith.

Jonathan:

I'm just lucky enough to have already gotten everything I ever wanted this year already.

JeffV
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Theodora Goss
Posted on Tuesday, December 07, 2004 - 10:42 am:   

My own island. Preferably somewhere warm. With interesting seashells.
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Liz
Posted on Wednesday, December 08, 2004 - 04:13 am:   

Gabriel: funny you should mention that - last year I gave the nearest and dearest a little Golem. It was made of metal and had moveable joints. I got it in a gift shop in Prague. He seemed pleased, but later there were reports of something biting people's ankles in south London so I think he ignored my instructions about not activating it.
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JV
Posted on Wednesday, December 08, 2004 - 06:37 am:   

Liz:
I rather think that your nearest and dearest was the one biting people's ankles in south London...

JeffV
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Liz
Posted on Wednesday, December 08, 2004 - 08:03 am:   

You think? God, I've warned him about that before...
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GabrielM
Posted on Wednesday, December 08, 2004 - 10:01 am:   

Well, last night was the first night of hannukah (at least so I was told, but my wife has been known to get it wrong) and I received the two volumes of annotated Sherlock Holmes stories. Beautifully illustrated and the footnotes are for the most part very informative, but they are also written under the conceit (popular among Sherlockians but which I find distinctly unhealthy) that Holmes and Watson were REAL PEOPLE. So for every interesting historical tidbit you also get some silly theorizing about what in fact were the actual arias that Irene Adler sung at La Scala and that sort of silliness. I suppose the lowbrow version of this sort of thing is Star Trek fanboys arguing over what Spock and Kirk ate for lunch in some episode.

JeffV, your bear did not arrive in time and my two year old was sorely grieved despite the lovely toys we got her. Shame on you. Attempts to reason with her failed miserably, as she is already a master logician. "You don't need a bear, sweetheart, you have your Winnie the Pooh doll." "Winnie is not a bear." "Why of course he's a bear." "WINNIE IS NOT A BEAR!" "Why what is he then?" "HE IS A POOH!" Of course he is. God, I felt so stupid.

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JV
Posted on Wednesday, December 08, 2004 - 11:20 am:   

Oh dear. You shouldn't have told her about the bear until later in the week. I was going to have this place send it:

http://www.morbidtendencies.com/

The Holmes volumes sound very interesting.

jeffV
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jeff ford
Posted on Wednesday, December 08, 2004 - 12:59 pm:   

Gabe and JV: cDid you see the article in THe New Yorker about the unsolved murder of the Holmes Scholar who had the lost papers of Conan Doyle?
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GabrielM
Posted on Wednesday, December 08, 2004 - 02:03 pm:   

JeffV: How thoughtful. It will go beautifully with the Best of Bauhaus boxed CD set we got her.

JeffF: The (possible) murder of Lancelyn Green? I've seen various articles in the Times since it happened earlier this year but not in the New Yorker. If it's this week's issue it's probably waiting for me at home. But I'll be curious to read it, the whole thing's pretty fascinating and ripe for conspiracies. (Heck, some guy at the Pentagon's even supposed to be involved.)
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JV
Posted on Thursday, December 09, 2004 - 06:42 am:   

Well, I didn't get the Kinks for Hannukah. But I did get an iPOD from my lovely wife, so I can live with that. :-)

JeffV
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Neal Stanifer
Posted on Thursday, December 09, 2004 - 08:05 am:   

JV:"What gift would warm the cockles of your heart?"

A baby's arm, holding an apple.

Either that, or the entire New Orleans Saints transforming into enormous wolves on national television. I know, they'd probably still lose, but it would be fun to watch.

Happy Holidays, y'all.
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Jonathan
Posted on Thursday, December 09, 2004 - 02:31 pm:   

You got an iPOD for Hannukah! Boy am I in the wrong house. We're on, what, the third day, and so far I've seen some chocolate money, soap crayons, and toy wands. No iPODS. Now, I'm not Jewish - my beloved wife is - but which night of Hannukah is iPOD night? I'm waitin'. Woo hoo. Seriously, though - very cool.
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Ellen Datlow
Posted on Thursday, December 09, 2004 - 06:01 pm:   

Jonathan,
Usually the big gift is saved for the last night. So you may still be lucky :-)
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JV
Posted on Thursday, December 09, 2004 - 07:11 pm:   

Yeah, this year Ann (who is Jewish--I'm not, but certainly don't mind any tradition that usually guarantees 8 presents!) and I agreed to lower the number of gifts to 5. So that we wouldn't go through the usual ballpoint pen-desk calendar-lint last three days. :-)

By the way, Jonathan, several people have commented to me about how dashing you look in a Santa hat...

JeffV
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Jonathan
Posted on Friday, December 10, 2004 - 06:58 am:   

Ellen - You never know. Fingers crossed - J

Jeff: Sounds sensible. I don't know that I really want to go through the three nights of tie, socks, underwear. As to hats - I do, don't I? <g>
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JV
Posted on Friday, December 10, 2004 - 12:53 pm:   

Jonathan:

I think everyone should have a chance to judge for themselves. ;) Besides, it adds a festive element to this thread.

JeffV

Text description

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JV
Posted on Saturday, December 11, 2004 - 08:26 am:   

On the subject of the holidays, Ann and I were interviewed about our interfaith commitments for the local rag:

http://www.tallahassee.com/mld/tallahassee/10391244.htm

They got all the quotes wrong and the summary part, too, and they also managed to turn it into an ad for inter-faith x-mas cards.

JeffV
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JV
Posted on Saturday, December 11, 2004 - 10:18 am:   

And would this thread be complete without a heart-warming holiday story?

http://vanderworld.blogspot.com/2004/12/hannukah-bear-heart-warming-holiday.html

I told this story to the reporter from the Democrat, but apparently she didn't think it was newsworthy...
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King Rat
Posted on Saturday, December 11, 2004 - 02:48 pm:   

This is a very trying time of year for us Mazniists!
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Andrew Fox
Posted on Friday, December 17, 2004 - 08:41 am:   

Hey, Jeff,

Sorry I didn't read this thread until after Hannukah was already over. Just wanted to wish you and your wife and family a very happy (belated) Festival of Lights. I enjoyed the story about your stepdaughter pulling the wool over your eyes concerning some of our mysterious Hebraic rituals. In terms of what I want (or wanted) for the holidays, it's actually kind of hard to come up with something. This may sound kind of squishy and sappy, but between my wife and kid and another kid on the way and the warm and funny home we have together (not to mention all the great books I've bought for myself over the last year of convention-going), there's really nothing much more that I'd want the Hannukah Bear to bring me. Except maybe a big fat contract for my next book, Calorie 3501, so if my wife gets laid off we won't have to sweat it so much. How about it, Hannukah Bear???

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