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Night Shade Message Boards » VanderMeer, Jeff » Ask the Bad-Ass Futuristic Rotating Meerkat... « Previous Next »

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JeffV
Posted on Sunday, March 02, 2003 - 08:22 am:   

The rotating meerkat is finally up at the Veniss Underground web site:

http://www.venissunderground.com/meerkats.html

A larger manifestation of him is forthcoming.

In the meantime, the Rotating Meerkat is willing to answer any questions you would like to ask him about the past, present, or future. I will relay the questions to him and then post his answers on this thread. Again--any question is acceptable. Since he is from the future, questions about the future are, of course, desirable.

Best,

Jeff V.
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Mike Simanoff
Posted on Monday, March 03, 2003 - 06:37 am:   

Excellent! You know, you hear the phrase "rotating meerkat" and you think you know what it means, but you don't truly comprehend how sublime it is until you see it.
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Neil Williamson
Posted on Monday, March 03, 2003 - 06:44 am:   

I have to be honest... I look at this rotating meerkat, I think it looks like the blueprint for a giant meer-robot for unleashing on the unfavoured city of your choice. It gives me the willies!
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Rotating Meerkat
Posted on Monday, March 03, 2003 - 07:31 am:   

Neither of those are questions. Where do you live, Neil-Human? That is the first city I will be unleashed upon.
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Neil Williamson
Posted on Monday, March 03, 2003 - 07:38 am:   

Um...Tallahassee? yeah, definitely. Tallahassee.
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Mastadge
Posted on Monday, March 03, 2003 - 07:57 am:   

The Meerkat simply will not load. I've had the page open for hours; have refreshed several times. I've got the necessary software. But the Meerkat will not show up. Which isn't a question.
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Tormented Soul
Posted on Monday, March 03, 2003 - 08:20 am:   

Wise Meerkat: When will I be spared these ... dreams? The visions haunt me. The hungry, hungry hippo with his lair strewn with crushed human bones. The army of gingerbread men marching with their sharp, pointy spears of caramelized sugar. The utter domination of the civilized world by a tiny chrome thimble. When will it stop?
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Mike Simanoff
Posted on Monday, March 03, 2003 - 08:25 am:   

Nate,

You must coax the Meerkat. Perhaps by asking him a question, he will load.

Mike
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KJ Bishop
Posted on Monday, March 03, 2003 - 08:47 am:   

Nor will the Meerkat load for me. The Meerkat breaks the little Quicktime icon. He renders it in twain. By this I understand two things: 1) The Meerkat is an iconoclast; 2) I am cautioned to spend less time surfing the net.
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IainR
Posted on Monday, March 03, 2003 - 09:44 am:   

Unfortunately when I think of the phrase 'giant rotating meerkat' my next thought is of the giant rotating spindle of meatlike substance in kebab shops. I think that I must be hungry.

I can't get to any page on the V U website at the moment, but I will try again later and ask the meerkat what he thinks what the future is for the future.
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Rotating Meerkat
Posted on Monday, March 03, 2003 - 10:01 am:   

The Rotating Meerkat is displeased that your puny technology cannot access him. More displeased at the hosting site than at those trying to access him (although it tickles).

To Tormented Soul: Your name has itself answered your question.

The Rotating Meerkat will now go kick the hosting site in the arse and see if that brings up the site.
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Tormented Soul
Posted on Monday, March 03, 2003 - 10:02 am:   

Tormented Soul suggests that this has nothing to do with site hosting and everything to do with making sure one's browser has downloaded the latest version of QuickTime from apple.com.

Now I return to my visions of horror, etc.
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RM
Posted on Monday, March 03, 2003 - 10:19 am:   

Yeah, but Rotating Meerkat can't access any part of the site right now. :-)
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JeffV
Posted on Monday, March 03, 2003 - 10:54 am:   

I should add--the Rotating Meerkat's earthly visage was created by Charles Goran, whose web site is:

www.digitalrain.org
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Mastadge
Posted on Monday, March 03, 2003 - 11:44 am:   

I have succeeded in accessing the rotating meerkat. Or is it just Rotating Meerkat? Either way, I am in awe.
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Steve Taylor
Posted on Monday, March 03, 2003 - 01:57 pm:   

When will I die, O Rotating Meerkat? If I know that, I can go about my life more tranquilly.

Steve
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Rotating Meerkat
Posted on Monday, March 03, 2003 - 02:02 pm:   

You will die the moment you go a day or more without posting to the VanderMeer message board. If you continue to post, you will live until the age of 72, when you will become the victim of a sickening and yet hilarious dirigible accident.

Rotating Meerkat
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Luís
Posted on Tuesday, March 04, 2003 - 09:08 am:   

O Mighty Bad-Ass Futuristic Rotating Meerkat, will I ever recover from the awe you inspire enough to ask you a question about the future?
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Rotating Meerkat
Posted on Tuesday, March 04, 2003 - 09:51 am:   

No. You will not.

Rotating Meerkat
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Rotating Meerkat
Posted on Tuesday, March 04, 2003 - 09:51 am:   

Nor will you ever recapture the free feeling you had wearing that dress in the downtown department store, with everybody watching.

Rotating Meerkat
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Luís
Posted on Tuesday, March 04, 2003 - 09:59 am:   

Hey, don't forget who was watching, naked and covered in yoghurt!
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Rotating Meerkat
Posted on Tuesday, March 04, 2003 - 10:00 am:   

Er, that's not a question. And I was not naked. I had my fur on.

Rotating Meerkat
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Jebediah Throat
Posted on Tuesday, March 04, 2003 - 10:12 am:   

Dear Rotating Meerkat,

I have recently developed a seemingly unhealthy addiction to sardine paste. Should I be worried? Please advise.

Yours, etc.
Jebediah Throat
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dillmistress
Posted on Tuesday, March 04, 2003 - 11:52 am:   

My eyes have not beheld thee, O Rotating One. I am immune to your power.
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dillmistress
Posted on Tuesday, March 04, 2003 - 11:54 am:   

That should be: "thy power."
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Jorge
Posted on Tuesday, March 04, 2003 - 05:21 pm:   

And, either my eyes are playing tricks with a totally different and independent part of my body, the brain, the Godly-Even-If-Bad-Ass-And-Futuristic Meerkat is, as any other godly critcha (godleese for "creature"), androgynous!

No sexual organs are visible in the rotating totem. Awkutchubamba!
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Jorge
Posted on Tuesday, March 04, 2003 - 05:22 pm:   

Gramatically correct this time (hopefully):

And, either my eyes are playing tricks with a totally different and independent part of my body, the brain, or the Godly-Even-If-Bad-Ass-And-Futuristic Meerkat is, as any other godly critcha (godleese for "creature"), androgynous!

No sexual organs are visible in the rotating totem. Awkutchubamba!
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Spokesperson for the Rotating Meerkat
Posted on Tuesday, March 04, 2003 - 05:52 pm:   

The Rotating Meerkat is immortal. Reproduction is a crutch for feeble, short-lived creatures.
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Rotated Meerkat
Posted on Tuesday, March 04, 2003 - 06:01 pm:   

Jebediah: You should be worried. Very worried. Soon you will look like me. Only without skin.

Spokesperson: No one speaks for Rotating Meerkat! www.venissunderground.com is a family site. Of course my avatar there has no genitals.

Rotated Meerkat
(went to the chiropractor)
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Not a Spokesperson for the Rotating Meerkat
Posted on Tuesday, March 04, 2003 - 06:27 pm:   

Damn you, RM, damn you!

K.
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Mastadge
Posted on Tuesday, March 04, 2003 - 06:51 pm:   

Bad-Ass Futuristic Rotating Meerkat, I seek your sage counsel. I have recently been mistaken for a woman, and while the attention was flattering, it was also mildly disconcerting and extremely amusing considering that I'm a pretty big guy. Anyway, my question for you is: What do I do to avoid finding myself in this situation again in the future? Furthermore, (if a second question is permitted,) what is the proper way to respond when advances are made on a college student by a middle-aged man who thinks said student is a woman?
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Rotated Meerkat
Posted on Tuesday, March 04, 2003 - 07:07 pm:   

Mastadge:

Answer #1: Get a sex change operation. Then it won't be embarrassing anymore.

Answer #2: No. You are not permitted a second question.

Rotated Meerkat
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Mastadge
Posted on Tuesday, March 04, 2003 - 07:10 pm:   

Thank you o Meerkat for your advice. I shall verily take it to my heart. Or something.
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RT
Posted on Tuesday, March 04, 2003 - 07:21 pm:   

I am just a Rotated Meerkat. Anyone who expects good answers from a Rotated Meerkat about mistaken identities should perhaps reconsider.

Rotated Meerkat
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Jorge
Posted on Tuesday, March 04, 2003 - 07:27 pm:   

Wait! The meerkat, previously rotating, has finished rotation and is now fully rotated?

OK, guys, party's over. The meerkat is no longer godly and his words have lost it's sagesse...
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Mastadge
Posted on Tuesday, March 04, 2003 - 07:28 pm:   

But aren't you Bad-Ass and Futuristic? Doesn't that more than compensate for being "just a Rotated Meerkat"?
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Jack Shit
Posted on Tuesday, March 04, 2003 - 07:32 pm:   

O Might Rotating Meerkat:

My name embarrasses me to no end. Kids made fun of me in school, and it's the same thing with my co-workers at the firm. Should I change my name to Michael?

Best,
Jack Shit
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Michael Poopsonself
Posted on Tuesday, March 04, 2003 - 08:02 pm:   

Merely changing one's first name to Michael is not always a solution.
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Rotated Meerkat
Posted on Tuesday, March 04, 2003 - 09:01 pm:   

Dear Jack Shit:

No, based on your message, you have the right name.

Rotated Meerkat
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Exterminatador
Posted on Wednesday, March 05, 2003 - 07:05 am:   

I been told ya here got yerself a meerkat problem. Damn pesty mongooses, they always bring others, burrow into the furniture, stink up the joint. They're like little dirty monkey rats.

I hunt meerkats.

It's time ta do some shootin'.

Show yerself varmint.
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Mastadge
Posted on Wednesday, March 05, 2003 - 09:27 am:   

I think it's Kage who's got the varmint problem -- her rodents are out of control, far worse than any meerkats hereabouts.
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Steve Taylor
Posted on Wednesday, March 05, 2003 - 12:03 pm:   

How could you aren't a calendar cut-out like the rest of these animals?

http://www.lifeisart.co.jp/childcalendar/craft/craft-1.html
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The Spindle
Posted on Wednesday, March 05, 2003 - 03:46 pm:   

Interminable boredom. Around and around.

Do you use cream for that?

Observational enlightenment is no offering at all if it ends up inside and unseen.
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Rotated Meerkat
Posted on Wednesday, March 05, 2003 - 08:03 pm:   

I think I've got to get out of the question answering business.
Rotated Meerkat
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The Spindle
Posted on Thursday, March 06, 2003 - 02:41 am:   

Life is full of questions. Perhaps you could find these answers.

1. Locate the rest of the herd.
2. Signal danger.
3. Get off me.
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IainR
Posted on Thursday, March 06, 2003 - 05:19 am:   

Dear Mere Cat,

Do you ever get dizzy? Even when I do that waggling the mouse across you really fast thing? I was disappointed, actually, that flipping you quickly from side to side didn't create an optical illusion picture of George Bush, or Satan, or some such.
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The Spin Dill
Posted on Thursday, March 06, 2003 - 06:37 am:   

Santa hides in many guises...
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Stationary Meerkat of Opposite Sex
Posted on Thursday, March 06, 2003 - 07:39 am:   

Dear Rotating Meerkat...

I am in love... with you.

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Rhys
Posted on Thursday, March 06, 2003 - 08:16 am:   

A Stationery Meerkat?

Are you made of envelopes, sticky labels, notepads, cardboard folders, ring binders, ruled ledgers, etc?
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Rhys & Nicholas
Posted on Thursday, March 06, 2003 - 08:21 am:   

Dear Rotating Meerkat...

(a) Would it be considered blasphemous to hang a *cup* from a mug tree?

(b) Does a sniper in a factory which manufactures ceramic drinking utensils for coffee and tea have a very clear mugshot?

(c) If a family tree became (by some strange warp of genetics) a family mug tree, what would this entail in terms of evolution?
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Rotated Meerkat
Posted on Thursday, March 06, 2003 - 08:25 am:   

Finally, questions I can sink my teeth into (since I cannot sink my teeth into the necks of those asking the questions).

(1) It would not be blasphemous to hang a cup from a mug tree. It would be blasphemous to hang a man from a mug tree.

(2) A sniper in a factory which manufactures ceramic drinking utensils for coffee and tea would have a very clear *cupshot*.

(3) If a family tree became a family mug tree, this would just make family mugshots much easier. No evolution would be implied, depending on the ugliness of the mugs and the date of manufacture.

Rotated Meerkat
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Nicholas Liu
Posted on Thursday, March 06, 2003 - 08:34 am:   

Rotated Meerkat, I denounce thee as a charlatan and a fraud! I happen to have on my person a copy of The Definitive Encylopedia of Household Botany, and it says right here:


MUG TREE (Quercus Vultus): The Tree of the Face, now extinct; for reasons unknown, traditionally presumed to be a rare species of oak. In ancient times, victims were hung from its limbs, sometimes by the neck and sometimes by the ankle. When a person of exceptional spiritual stature was thus executed, his or her body did not rot, but was absorbed into the tree. Over time, one of two things would happen. The first was that the tree would shape itself into a perfect likeness of the dead sage's visage (or mug), down to such details as facial moles and other blemishes. These vegetable faces were so life-like that in times of great suffering, they were known to weep (their tears were said to be sweet, and to have aphrodisiac qualities) or even cry out in sympathy for the living. The second was that the memory of the sage in people's minds would alter, intertwining with their conceptions of the tree until the two became indistinguishable. The end product of the latter process was not fixed, sometimes even resulting in two or more final conceptions which could take any number of forms with differing emphases on the face and the tree. Due to the fetishisation of such tree-sages, this multiplicity of canons caused much strife over the years; however, irrespective of denomination, it was commonplace in many households to maintain a small effigy of the mug tree as a sort of altar for worship. It is said that the devotees of one particular sage, in deference to the characteristic dark humour he displayed in life, often hung cups (colloquially known as "mugs") from the mug trees of their messiah by their handles, using this irreverent punning as a form of worship. Gradually, this practice shed its ironic significance and became widespread among the followers of other sages. This in turn lead to its modern status as little more than a charm which, it is still superstitiously believed, protects mugs once hung on it from having their future contents sorcerously transformed into vinegar or, as some of the more sinister stories have it, blood.


The Definitive Encylopedia of Household Botany is never wrong, and it is a ridiculous idea that an action which gave rise to said tree's divinity should be itself blasphemous! Mayhap the Rotated Meerkat is, in truth, a few degrees short of a full revolution.
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RT
Posted on Thursday, March 06, 2003 - 08:37 am:   

Oh shit. I forgot about the Definitive Encyclopedia.Okay--no more household botany questions.

Rotating Wildly Meerkat
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Rhys
Posted on Thursday, March 06, 2003 - 08:39 am:   

Having just read the above, I have a question for Nicholas (I want to check his answer against that of the Rotating Meerkat)...

Q. What sort of fortification might be adequately defended by a "...multiplicity of canons..."? And how might you fit it (the fortification) in the branches of a mug tree?
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Nicholas Liu
Posted on Thursday, March 06, 2003 - 08:54 am:   

Why, you have the question the wrong way around. Any fortification can be defended by a multiplicity of canons, provided that only that it is being defended against an egg-wielding military force that is clerical in nature and only good in parts, to which canons are an effective counetrmeasure.

As for how you fit them in the branches of a mug tree, it all depends on the sort of mug tree in question. If it is of the face-shaped variety previously thought extinct, there should be room for three to four canons in the average specimen, depending on the obesity of the canons and how shy they are about people peeping up their robes. If it is of the miniature variety, the solution is the same; one only needs to use smaller canons. Lastly, if the mug tree is of the conceptual and somewhat nebulous variety, the number of canons (conceptual, nebulous canons, of course) it can accomodate may be taken as one more than the number of angels that can dance on the head of the pin, man being made a little lower than the angels and thus smaller in stature.

I trust this answers your questions to an acceptable standard of comprehensiveness.
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RM
Posted on Thursday, March 06, 2003 - 08:26 pm:   

Actually, YOU LIE, NICHOLAS LIU. YOU LIE. THE ROTATING MEERKAT HAS DISCOVERED YOUR SULFUROUS LIE. Here is the correct entry for Mug Tree in the Definitive Encyclopedia. You cannot fool the Rotating Meerkat, Liu, although you have tried, down through the ages. I remember you now--I remember the encounter of the Bridge of Fate; the Seventh Level of Hell, the Third Wheel of the Great Circle, and the Twelfth Avatar of Vishnu. And I say: YOU SHALL NOT PASS.

Sincerely,

Full-Blown Futuristic Kick-Ass Rotating Meerkat

MUG TREE (Quercus Vultus): The Tree of the Mug, now extinct; for reasons unknown, traditionally presumed to be a rare species of oak. In ancient times, mugs were hung from its limbs, sometimes by the handle and sometimes by the lip. When a miug of exceptional value was thus hung, it did not rust or rot, but was absorbed into the tree. Over time, one of two things would happen. The first was that the tree's limbs would shape themselves into a perfect likeness of the hung mug, down to such details as gouges and other blemishes. These vegetable mugs were so mug-like that in times of great thirst, pilgrims would try to drink from them (the sap from these vegetable mugs was said to be sweet, and to have aphrodisiac qualities). The second was that the memory of the mug in people's minds would alter, intertwining with their conceptions of the tree until the two became indistinguishable. The end product of the latter process was not fixed, sometimes even resulting in two or more final conceptions which could take any number of forms with differing emphases on the mug and the tree. Due to the fetishisation of such tree-mugs, this multiplicity of canons caused much strife over the years; however, irrespective of denomination, it was commonplace in many households to maintain a small effigy of the mug tree as a sort of altar for worship. It is said that the devotees of one particular assimilated mug, often cut the assimilated mugs from the mug trees, using this irreverent pruning as a form of worship. Gradually, this practice shed its ironic significance and became widespread among the followers of other mug trees. This in turn lead to its modern status as little more than a charm which, it is still superstitiously believed, protects mugs once hung on it from having their future contents sorcerously transformed into vinegar or, as some of the more sinister stories have it, blood.
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Brrrrian Frost
Posted on Thursday, March 06, 2003 - 09:37 pm:   

We meet again, Rotating Meerkat. After all these years, we meet again...

Ha. Ha. Ha.

Brrrrian Frost, aka The Psychic Bad Mofo Sliding Penguin
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Caverin McKreen, Definitive Enterprises, Inc.
Posted on Thursday, March 06, 2003 - 10:54 pm:   

We here at Definitive Enterprises would like to issue a formal apology and defense for the seemingly conflictive quotations from our flagship product, the Definitive Encyclopedia.

The Definitive Encyclopedia has its roots in the 1911 intellectual revolution in which another Encyclopedia of nameless provenance won worldwide acclaim and became something of a celebrity superstar of reference materials for its success. My grandmother Enid McKreen had noted the limited scope of this Other product and promptly set to work in her Kansas City basement on an all encompassing Encylopedia for which all others would be but abridgements.

During World War II my father was freshly returned to the whorehouses of Paris from the front in Luxembourg when he heard of his mother's death. Heartbroken, he returned to America's heartland and took a scholarship to Enzavine University in Independence, MO, where he studied under the great Charles Redfast, the occultist and former lover of Aleister Crowley. When my father Joseph graduated from college he attempted to revise the Definitive Encyclopedia by adding various numerological interpretations and Eternal Horizons references in its entries, and the irony that a supposedly "definitive" product had proved in need of revision escaped everyone.

As America slept, my father expanded the Definitive Empire to include a line of omnibus can openers (the "Kansas City Pocket Knife"), pulp novels, and novelties, and in 1970, along with the "Definitive Male Pleasurement Organ for the Lonely Bachelorette", I was born.

Since I took the reins of the company--at my crapulous father's death from Blusitis in 1991, while I was a college senior--I have noted various factual errors and inconsistencies in the Encyclopedia. For example, the experimental leper state of New Maryland was subsumed into East Virginia to form Greater Virginia--later Virginia--in 1959, and lepers have won full citizenal rights since then, integrated into society, at least until they die, at which case they are burned to cinders on the streets by a roving band of black-hooded tango dancers. I have attemped to apply my creative knowledge of aromatherapy and pop culture to the 77-volume set, and it was republished and reissued by Definitive in 1999 to much great fanfare and a Bar-B-Q dinner in K.C.

I am now in New York City's district of Queens where I continue to monitor the appropriateness of Definitive Encyclopedia citations in bulletin boards across the world, which has lead me to your little mongoosoid community. I don't really understand what's going on here, but I want to caution you all that, despite the name, what claims to be Definitive is really just the product of nine decades of mental illness and over-the-counter drug abuse.

Thank you.
C.McK.
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Nicholas Liu
Posted on Friday, March 07, 2003 - 12:38 am:   

Well in that case, we're both wrong, but I never claimed to be omniscient. Ha!
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Rhys
Posted on Friday, March 07, 2003 - 02:50 am:   

Dear Rotating Meerkat,

What is the maximum number on the Beaufort Scale ever attained by the following winds (and other movements of air)?

(a) THE WIND IN THE WILLOWS
(b) GONE WITH THE WIND
(c) THE LONG AND WINDY (sic) ROAD
(d) A BREATH OF FRESH AIR
(e) AIR ON A G STRING
(f) AIRS AND GRACES
(g) AIRS WITHOUT GRACES
(h) THE AIR TO THE THRONE
(i) A BREEZE BLOCK
(j) THE MOOR'S LAST SIGH
(k) A GASP OF RECOGNITION

Thanks Meerkat!
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Luís
Posted on Friday, March 07, 2003 - 09:53 am:   

O Mighty Bad Ass Once-Rotating-Then-Rotated-But-Now-Rotating-Again Meerkat, allow me to add a couple more to Rhys's list:

(l) Wild Is The Wind
(m) Devil Make Air

Best,
Luís
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RT
Posted on Friday, March 07, 2003 - 02:34 pm:   

I am too busy passing my own "winds" and "airs" to answer your question right now. May I be silent but deadly to you and your ilk.

Rotating Meerkat
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Anonymous Bosch
Posted on Friday, March 07, 2003 - 03:41 pm:   

Aye, the silent wind is usually the deadliest. Possibly because you don't hear it coming.
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Chasseguet-Smirgel
Posted on Friday, March 07, 2003 - 05:16 pm:   

Degenerates.

It does.
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JeffV
Posted on Friday, March 07, 2003 - 06:04 pm:   

I have a question for the (im)posters now, since I have answered so many questions myself:

Did you really think a thread with a title like this WOULD NOT degenerate over time?

Rotating Meerkat, Esq.
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Brrrrian Frost
Posted on Friday, March 07, 2003 - 07:59 pm:   

"Did you really think a thread with a title like this WOULD NOT degenerate over time?"

A snowball's chance in Hell.

Yours, etc.
Brrrrian Frost
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Chasseguet-Smirgel
Posted on Friday, March 07, 2003 - 11:00 pm:   

Self-fulfilling prophecy?

Designed thus to watch degenerates degenerate. Or a chance D-Generation. No 'X's here.

Playtime. Diogenes. Degeneres.
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Rhys
Posted on Saturday, March 08, 2003 - 06:51 am:   

I'm still waiting for those numbers.

Hurry up! My Pie-Charts are going cold!
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RT
Posted on Saturday, March 08, 2003 - 02:35 pm:   

Rhys:

It's a difficult time of year. The Kalahari gets very cold at night, very hot during the day. I've got pups to stand guard over and insects to catch to feed them. Sometimes a meerkat has to stop answering questions and fulfill his responsibilities to the group. Even a futuristic, rotating meerkat who has an Internet presence.

Your pie-charts may be going cold, but you can always reheat them with kindling culled from the Mug Tree.

Rotating Meerkat
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Brrrrian Frost
Posted on Saturday, March 08, 2003 - 04:16 pm:   

Pie-charts are a graphic best served cold.

Yours,
Brrrrian Frost (always a penguin)
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Rotating Meerkat
Posted on Wednesday, March 12, 2003 - 07:00 pm:   

Dear Mr. Hughes:

You asked a question awhile back. I was temporarily indisposed--I think one of them beetles I was gnawing on turned bad. Here are your answers:

Dear Rotating Meerkat,

What is the maximum number on the Beaufort Scale ever attained by the following winds (and other movements of air)?

(a) THE WIND IN THE WILLOWS--six beetles and a worm
(b) GONE WITH THE WIND--four slugs and a weevil
(c) THE LONG AND WINDY (sic) ROAD--one snake (brown) and thirty-two cicadas
(d) A BREATH OF FRESH AIR--several thousand worms
(e) AIR ON A G STRING--one rat
(f) AIRS AND GRACES--four thousand two hundred ants
(g) AIRS WITHOUT GRACES--three termite queens, in all their splendor
(h) THE AIR TO THE THRONE--one rabbit and one stout
(i) A BREEZE BLOCK--one hawk and five mice
(j) THE MOOR'S LAST SIGH--three bushbabies
(k) A GASP OF RECOGNITION--seven beetles and a bat

If I have misunderstood the question, you may have to restate in terms a meerkat could understand.

Rotating Meerkat, Esq.

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RT
Posted on Friday, March 14, 2003 - 01:49 pm:   

No more questions from you pathetic, putrid, soft, puss-bags of gelatinous humanity?

Rotating Insult Meerkat
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Caverin McKreen
Posted on Friday, March 14, 2003 - 02:07 pm:   

What makes you a "bad-ass" meerkat? You seem to be a puppet meerkat, a meer shadow.
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Putro McChancre
Posted on Friday, March 14, 2003 - 04:33 pm:   

- a meer shadow ... for me to poop on.
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RT
Posted on Friday, March 14, 2003 - 08:52 pm:   

I have a bad ass. I hurt it while defending the young pups from a hawk.

Rotating Fractured Tailbone Meerkat
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Luís Rodrigues
Posted on Saturday, March 15, 2003 - 05:02 am:   

http://www.brunching.com/cgi/cyborger.cgi?acronym=MEERKAT
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RT
Posted on Saturday, March 29, 2003 - 08:15 am:   

From my sentinel post, I see a baobab tree and a circling hawk. I see pups at play under my watchful eye. I see a scorpian on a nearby rock. The sky is blue, the horizon clear. Not a question in sight.

Rotating Meerkat, Esq.
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RT
Posted on Saturday, March 29, 2003 - 08:16 am:   

Er, scorpion. Been a long night of drinking with the other meerkats.

RT
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Luís Rodrigues
Posted on Saturday, March 29, 2003 - 10:11 am:   

Can you still stand?
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SRT
Posted on Monday, June 23, 2003 - 12:37 pm:   

Let's just...

Son of Rotating Meerkat
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SRT
Posted on Monday, June 23, 2003 - 12:37 pm:   

...get this...

SRT
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SRT
Posted on Monday, June 23, 2003 - 12:38 pm:   

...over...

SRT
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SRT
Posted on Monday, June 23, 2003 - 12:38 pm:   

...with...there: 2000 posts

anyone want to try to take me on? I'm even nastier than my father.

SRT
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The querent formerly known as Liz
Posted on Monday, June 23, 2003 - 12:55 pm:   

OK, then, Son of Bad Ass Futuristic Rotating Meerkat, I have a question for YOU, not your spindle-pawed, moth-eaten old man.

The question is: Why?

Answer that!!! I'd like to see you try.
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The querent formerly known as Liz
Posted on Monday, June 23, 2003 - 12:56 pm:   

OK, then, Son of Bad Ass Futuristic Rotating Meerkat, I have a question for YOU, not your spindle-pawed, moulting old man.

The question is: Why?

Answer that!!! I'd like to see you try.
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A sheepish and pedantic writer
Posted on Monday, June 23, 2003 - 12:58 pm:   

I'm sorry. For the sake of artistry, I changed the wording just a touch and was punished for my temerity.
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SRT
Posted on Monday, June 23, 2003 - 01:02 pm:   

You have suffered enough self-punishment, sycophantic human. I will not crush you like a bug between my beautiful fangs.

Son of Rotating Meerkat
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Sycophantic Human
Posted on Monday, June 23, 2003 - 01:30 pm:   

Thank you, oh thank you, O Son of Rotating Meerkat. I shall never doubt your wisdom again and I will now rotate my own head in 360 degree shame.

Didn't answer my question, though, didja??
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SRT
Posted on Monday, June 23, 2003 - 01:48 pm:   

No, I did not. It is quite tiring for me to engage in conversation in the world of humans. Tomorrow, perhaps, I shall humor you with a reply...of such magnitude that you shall be **STUNNED BLIND**.

SRT
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Sycophantic Human
Posted on Monday, June 23, 2003 - 01:58 pm:   

Gosh. I shall rise with the dawn, which comes early in these latitudes, and await the pearls of profundity that emerge from your furry little jaws with an eagerness that dwells on the psychotic.
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CNash
Posted on Thursday, October 30, 2003 - 06:46 am:   

Oh Great Rotating Meerkat: Why does everyone but IT have to show up to work on time, and then sit, and wait, and wait, for IT to show up and re-set the network so all the rest of us can finally access your site?...um - er- work? Yeah, that's it - work!
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Egobater
Posted on Thursday, October 30, 2003 - 12:50 pm:   

Why do people use message boards to masturbate their egos?
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RM
Posted on Friday, January 23, 2004 - 05:26 pm:   

By the power invested in me by JeffV, I would like to announce that Jeff has given me the sweeping power to kick the crap out of anyone who asks him, "So, finished your novel yet?" anytime in the next six months.

As for egobater--why don't you just admit you want a messageboard, freak?

Rotating Meerkat
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Rotating Meerkat
Posted on Friday, January 23, 2004 - 05:28 pm:   

As for CNash--the answer to your question is late because the less worthy the question, the longer the wait. Five more months and I will respond. Meanwhile, I must go eat some crunchy insects.

RM
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RT
Posted on Thursday, August 19, 2004 - 01:16 pm:   

Having become disgusted with the ongoing legal wrangling over the Alien versus Predator movie, which was *supposed* to be entitled Alien vs Predator vs Rotating Meerkat, I have returned to answer any of your remaining questions, human scum.

RT
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Nels
Posted on Friday, August 20, 2004 - 10:45 am:   

Dear Rotating One, my question is this:

How did I miss a thread as cool as this one for over a year? It's surely the reason the Interweb thingy was invented...

Yrs,
Nels.

PS: Oh, and wasn't Egobater a dork?
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RT
Posted on Friday, August 20, 2004 - 11:01 am:   

I ripped out Egobater's throat with my teeth and fed him to my younglings.

How did you miss this thread? Clearly you have less free time on your hands than most feckless, soft, whiny humans. Now, though, you must submit to the glory of the thread...

RT
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Meerkat Handler
Posted on Tuesday, February 15, 2005 - 12:54 pm:   

You guys don't look so tough...

Text description

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Andrew Breitenbach
Posted on Wednesday, May 31, 2006 - 01:17 pm:   

This may or may not be an appropriate place to post this, but the Animal Planet Channel is about to start a new series on June 9 following a meerkat family in the wild called "Meerkat Manor":

http://animal.discovery.com/fansites/meerkat/meerkat.html

I thought Jeff might be interested, for hopefully obvious reasons. ;-)



Best,

Andrew J. Breitenbach
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BILLY
Posted on Tuesday, June 13, 2006 - 01:32 am:   

A HOY HOY

MWAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHJAH
HA




FROM BILLY
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billy
Posted on Tuesday, June 13, 2006 - 01:37 am:   

forgive me, oh wonderous meerkat as my message was unworthy of you
sincerly,
billy
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frankie
Posted on Tuesday, June 13, 2006 - 01:39 am:   

i am doing an assignment on meerkats,
kye

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