|Posted on Thursday, June 17, 2004 - 07:45 am: |
I recently found the cutest picture of a mammal ever on the internet.
How long would this creature survive if transported to any number of fantasy worlds? Here are my guestimates. Others may have different thoughts, or different worlds, and I'd like to hear about them.
Ambergris: 2.3 seconds
Bas Lag: 12 seconds
Viriconium: dead in transit
Etched City: 30 seconds (captured and briefly subjected to Decadence before expiring)
Veniss: hideously transformed into squirrel-spider within 12 seconds
The Well-Built City: 30 minutes (more hidey-holes in the Beyond)
|Posted on Thursday, June 17, 2004 - 10:24 am: |
Somebody put that gerbil on Atkins!
|Posted on Thursday, June 17, 2004 - 05:19 pm: |
Ambergris: If caught by academics, it would starve to death before people decided what to do with it, at which point they would have moved on to the part of trying to kill each other in a bloody war and forgotten what started the argument anyway. If caught by priests, it would be made head of a new religious movement and then stoned and crucified for the sins of its human followers. Failing that, graycapped with maximum prejudice.
Bas Lag: It would be Remade for attempted cuteness, escape Crobuzoni authorities, join a gang of fReemade and survive for 5 years until Torqued while gathering glass walnuts near the cacotopic stain.
Viriconium: It will die anyway, so what does it matter?
Gormenghast: It would be captured, dyed orange or purple (depending on the current phase of the moon), and kept well-fed in preparation for the Ceremony of the Stomping of the Gerbil.
Discworld: "Gerbil! Fresh gerbil! Onastick!"
Middle-earth: It would find or steal the One Ring, and survive for an abnormal period of time while mutating into a grotesque creature called Squeeeeaaaaark, thus named for the hideous sound made in its throat. Later, it would play a major role in the events surrounding the War of the Ring.
Flatland: 0 seconds, *squish*.
|Posted on Thursday, June 17, 2004 - 07:02 pm: |
Please replace all instances of 'gerbil' in my post with 'squirrel'.
Luís "Blind As A Mouse" Rodrigues
|Posted on Friday, June 18, 2004 - 11:14 am: |
Lisbon: It would become a late-night snack for a certain computer science student.
|Posted on Friday, June 18, 2004 - 07:41 pm: |
New York City: 5 minutes while it's pecked to death by pigeons.
What?? We are SO a fantasy world...
|Posted on Saturday, June 19, 2004 - 09:15 pm: |
Narnia: The White Witch waved her wand, and Pirrip the Talking Squirrel felt his feet turning to stone.
Pern: "Please," said Piemur in his most wheedling tones, "Can't you spare a roast tree-pig for a starving apprentice?"
Ombria: "For every squirrel in Ombria, there is a ghost-squirrel beneath the city," said the sorceress.
Ghoul-Haunted Boston: And then I shrieked in horror at the hideous realization that the Demon-Squirrel on Pickman's canvas had been painted--from life!
Ghoul-Haunted Innsmouth: Yog-Sothoth picked his teeth.
|Posted on Sunday, June 20, 2004 - 06:16 am: |
LOL! Very nice. Poor, poor little Japanese flying squirrel. It must right now be feeling the mental anguish of all of our unkind thoughts.
|Posted on Sunday, June 20, 2004 - 10:30 am: |
Makiko wasn't worried. She knew that between her Squirrel Princess powers, and her contacts in the Yakuza, the nasty Americans were toast.
|Posted on Thursday, November 04, 2004 - 02:09 pm: |
It looks like *these guys* haven't heard about the election results yet or they wouldn't be so damn relaxed.