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Posted on Monday, September 06, 2004 - 12:01 am:   

Should Bush win, however this might be accomplished, you will not want to waste painful moments in hesitation and deliberation; you will see the wisdom of arriving at such a moment in a state of readiness, having taken time beforehand to prepare your mind and to research the correct method by means of which to take your own life. How clear will the message be by then, that you are not wanted here? Many will say “good riddance” when you are gone. The administration, we can be certain, may be relied upon to praise you for your good sense in removing yourself or “getting out of our way.” You will be able to carry out the act with perfect confidence in its rightness, and in the certain knowledge that you stand to lose nothing.

Out of consideration for your relatives, in setting your affairs in order before dying, and in order to reduce as much as possible the labor and confusion among health workers and those responsible for final arrangements, by choosing the surest means and the best site to perform the act, you must take time, first, to work through and calm your emotions so that you may approach death in a mindful way, and, this accomplished, to reflect, decide, plan, and to carry out that plan.

I highly recommend committing suicide in public. Your relatives and neighbors, spared the appalling task of dealing with your remains and your contaminated apartment, bed, or bathroom - with effacing the signs of your act and your existence, will have no reason to resent you - and those who, oppressed and despairing, find themselves unable to support this life any further, will take heart from your immediate example.

If you intend to use a gun, aim carefully. A misplaced shot may only incapacitate you. Bear in mind that all persons who survive a suicide attempt are immediately placed under observation in hospital psychiatric wards for no less than 36 hours, during which time you will be preventing from trying again. Serious injuries will mean long hospital stays, and you might find that either the vigilance of the hospital staff or your own, only natural, tendency to feel gratitude toward them or to family members will delay or even forestall you finishing yourself off. A mouth shot is more likely to kill than a temple shot, but, to be certain, use a mirror to insure that the barrel is angled neither too high nor too low. If you wish to shoot yourself in the heart, bear in mind that it is situated just to the left of your sternum, and try to place the barrel between your ribs to insure a hit.

Should you choose poison, you will find you have a wealth of choices, from depressants, to stimulants, to convulsants. Do not fail to employ an adequate amount. Self-immolation is a highly efficient method of suicide, as it disposes of most of your corpse in the process. Make sure you use gasoline. Slashing arteries will bring about a slow yet unobtrusive death. Drowning I would advise against, as an unreliable method; hanging is far more sure, and presents an interesting spectacle. Be creative. Whichever technique you choose, a surprisingly short amount of time spent in careful planning will greatly improve your chances of success.

Finally, to America’s young people I say: your suicides are the most important of all. Most people will make a particular effort to dissuade you; they will say, “You’re only ten years old. You don’t have the experience to make such a decision.” But don’t lose heart. Be true to yourself, and to the world around you, which obviously has no need of you, doesn’t want you, would prefer to be rid of you. You have it in your power to make the next generation of Americans disappear altogether, and to bring this failed experiment to a merciful end. You must turn out in great numbers, in every state.

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